God is working!!

I have never seen God more at work than I have the past few weeks. One of the things that I have prayed most for in my life has been for my older brother, A. I have blogged a few times about him and you can read those old entries from here: June 2010 and March 2011. I have received permission from A to post this entry.

My brother has struggled almost his whole life with depression, bipolar disorder and addictions. There has been numerous suicide attempts, many extended hospital stays, and rehab treatments. Nothing has ever worked, or really changed anything. I have always said that I believe God has saved my brother in the miraculous ways he has for a reason. My brother has always been an atheist and wanted NOTHING to do with even a conversation about God.

About a month ago my brother called and asked if he could come down for a visit. We were hesitant at first because we knew he was back into drugs. Tim & I prayed about him coming down and agreed that his life and his salvation was worth much more than anything he could steal or take from us. While down here, Austin expressed how badly he wanted to get clean and into a rehab. I have heard this many times but I still found him a treatment center here in town (2 hours from where he lives). He was able to get in a few days later.

While in rehab my brother seemed very open and excited about treatment. He even stated that he felt that there could even be a Higher Power. This is HUGE for my brother because he has ALWAYS been against the idea. After being in rehab for 3 weeks he got out and had nowhere to go.

The night before he was released, Aaron, Julie, Tim & I had a "family meeting" to discuss the different ministry opportunities we wanted to do over the next year. We had no idea Austin was going to be getting out the next morning, but we discussed when he got out if we would allow him to stay with us. We talked out the logistics, the boundaries we would put into place, and we prayed, hard.

The next morning Austin called and said he was out. I went and picked him up and told him as long as he followed our boundaries and rules he could stay with us until he got on his feet.

The first night was amazing. God showed up in an amazing way. We were able to just sit down with Austin and pour out our hearts to him about how much we love him and how much we love our God. He actually listened and participated in our conversation. At the end we asked to pray for him and he agreed. We began praying and unexpectedly Austin joined us in prayer. He even muttered the words I never thought I would ever hear from him, "I love you God." I was floored by my God's goodness and grace.

A has been with us for two weeks and everyday has been such a blessing to witness God working in his life in such amazing ways. He found a sponsor who is such a blessing. It has been so great to drop him off at a meeting every night and then to come home and be so happy to tell us all about what he has been learning and what God has been doing. Although A is still trying to figure out who God is, God is working. He is working and shaping and changing.

I am so amazed and blessed at how God has orchestrated all of this out in His timing for His Glory. There is SO much more to this story and how God has been working the past few weeks. I will post more and time goes on, but for now please continue to pray for A, his sponsor, and us.

Through His Power & For His Glory

We have finally moved in!

This past week was a very stressful and busy one but it is over, and we are moved into our new home for the next year. We are so excited for what God is going to do!

The move started off with its fair share of trails and speed bumps. We knew that spiritual warfare would occur when we decided to move in, but I guess I just was not prepare for the battle that would take place in my own heart.

Immediately after moving in, my convictions seem to go on the back burner while this new unquenchable desire for the new things I "needed" for our apartment was at the forefront. Besides all the stress and physical weariness of moving, my soul was very weary. I just felt like I needed A, B, and C and I could not live without them. I was battling with my fleshly desires which made me very frustrated since of course on my own, I fail.

In this frustration, I found myself being very annoyed, short, and frustrated with Tim, Aaron and Julie. My heart was truly in a battle I didn't want to seem to acknowledge it. I have never felt such a pull or disconnect before but my attitude suffered because of it. All the sudden things that would not usually bother me, I now couldn't sleep because I was so mad.

After a wonderful talk and prayer time with Tim on Saturday night and a wonderful talk and prayer time with Aaron & Julie yesterday we were able to set things right by the grace of God. I am so amazed by how much He is working, and I am SO glad that He has a handle of what He wants to do over this next year, because I know I sure can't do it on my own!

After prayer and talking during our "family meeting" last night, we (Tim, Aaron, Julie & I) were able to brainstorm different ministry opportunities we would like to pray about doing this next year. It was very exciting to see our list grow and grow and know that God is going to do big things!

As we pray and seek God for what He would have us do this next year I ask you all to please be praying for us. The enemy is working very hard to distract us and make us comfortable. Pray that we would not be comfortable, pray that we would stay focused on God and accomplish great things through His power and for His glory.

Melvin & Sharon

I had the honor and privilege on Monday to take a drive down to Kenney, IL to deliver items to a foster family that had lost everything in a fire. We started collecting items and donations at the end of April and the first weekend in May we were able to take a few items we collected and items from our apartment to sell at a garage sale in Rockford at my parents house.

God truly was working at this sale. I had a few people come up to me and just hand me money without even purchasing anything.

One lady I will never forget. She came up to me and said, "I know what it is like to loose everything in a fire. Just recently our house burnt down in a fire, and my 15 year old son was in it." She said she would chose to loose everything again everyday if she could just get her son back. She then handed me $5 and said, "I wish I could give more, but my husband and I just both lost our jobs." I was speechless.

God has been working through this process of raising funds for this family. I met a wonderful lady named Kathy who worked with me in gather items for this family. We drove down together on Monday to deliver these items and we had such a wonderful time serving together.

We arrive in Kenney with a van load of items and we pulled up to a very small camper in the middle of a grass lot. Melvin and Sharon were standing out front to greet us. We started unloading and we were able to speak with them and hear more about their story. It was such a blessing to hear about their lives and how much they love and care for children who don't have a place to call home. This older couple has truly lived their lives to provide some sort of security to kids whom otherwise would be on the streets. I was so encouraged by their positive attitudes and their love. Their living situation is anything from ideal but yet they had a permanent smile planted on their faces when they spoke about their two foster kids.

While speaking with Melvin & Sharon we learned that it's the little girl's birthday on Sunday. Kathy & I told them that we would like to get some birthday gifts for her to open on her birthday. I went out shopping with Gracelyn yesterday for a birthday gift for a soon to be 7 year old girl. I kept thinking about the story Melvin and Sharon told us about these kids and my heart just broke for her. I thought about how Melvin said that the kids have never had anything to call their own.

I began thinking about all the other kids that have similar painful stories. All the other kids who do not have a Melvin & Sharon. All the other kids that are still living in a painful world. We do not have enough Melvin & Sharon's in this world. I realize that God may not call every person to be a foster parent, but God does call us to care for the orphans. In what way can you make a difference in a child's life for the Glory of God?

health update

After my 7th knee surgery in February, my doctor in Chicago said that we would come up with a new plan once I healed and came back a few months later. My knee has not improved at all since the surgery so I was a bit nervous driving up to my appointment in Chicago today.

After waiting in the waiting room for 2 hours, I was finally able to go back and meet with Dr.Cole. He seriously is an amazing doctor, and has numerous awards and has been rated top orthopedic doctor. Although this journey with me knee has been very long and painful, I have always had great faith in my doctor. (even though in general I'm not the biggest fan of doctors)

He came in and examined me and asked me a few questions. I informed him that my left knee has still not improved at all, and my right knee continues to get worse. I told him about my recent back issues and how I think it relates a lot to me not being able to bend with my knees when I pick things (Gracelyn) up.

After a long discussion, he looked at me with sadness in his voice, and said, "Abby, I have had many difficult cases with patients but I am always been able to come up with a plan of action, and I am completely stuck here, I don't think that this is ever going to get better, and the only option I see is to refer you to a pain management doctor and just manage the pain with drugs."

I broke into tears. I have been told from many many many doctors that they cannot explain the pain I have in my body. For the most part, I have been able to still function through my body pain to live a normal life, except for my knees. I know my pain in my body was unexplainable but I had faith that my knees would be able to be fixed so that I could at least live somewhat of a normal life.

This really shattered my hope in a "normal" life. After I left Dr. Coles office I started headed 2 hours to Rockford. I began mourning "the life I wont ever be able to have" and I began to think about all the things I can't do and all the things I wont be able to do with Gracelyn as she grows up.

God was so ever near in comfort on my trip home. As I cried, I felt His presence there to comfort me. God has been revealing to me the more he wants to do in my life, and I just got smacked in the face on my drive home. God clearly has a plan for this. I may never get to live a "normal" life and "normal" activities, but God is my Lord, and he wants to do so much more in and through me and by the grace of God I am not going to take my eye off of the prize. I will not grow weary, because He will give me rest. Just because I didn't expect this to be the outcome, doesn't mean God is in any way shocked by it.

God can heal me, this I know, but I also know that He can use this situation for His glory. My prayer now is that whatever the situation with my health will be, His glory would be more revealed, my heart would continue to Praise Him and be fixed on the ultimate Prize, My Savior.

Are you willing? or are you ready?

I have been studying Mark 10:17-22 for thepast week and a half. I have been wrestling through this passage and convicting me on truly where my heart is. It has brought new light to my world, and how I view my possessions. Most of people have read the story of the rich young ruler, if you haven't or want a refresher you can read it here .

I have heard this passage preached on many times, but I have been listening to David Platt preach on it and it has been a bit different message. Many times when we read about the rich young ruler we try to water down what Jesus is saying here. This is the message I have usually heard when hearing a sermon on this passage. Would Jesus really call you to sell all your possessions and giv

e it to the poor? We tend to answer this question with, "well, what Jesus was saying here is just that we ought to be willing to sell our possessions and give to the poor." Is that really what Jesus was saying here? Or do we try to minimize this passage in order to fit with the comfort of the Christianity we've created?

What I have been wrestling with this past few weeks is God asking me, "are you willing to sell it all? or are you ready to?" It is so v

ery easy for me to answer the first question with a "yes God, I'm willing!" but the next question is where I stop. Am I ready? Am I ready to go to God with it ALL? Am I ready to lay it ALL on the table for Him to use for His glory? Am I ready to ask God what He would have me sacrifice? I get a knot in my stomach. It makes me uncomfortable to think about, and even more uncomfortable to do.

I do not think that Jesus calls every Christian to sell all that they have and give it to the poor, BUT I do think that He does call some of us. It has been so difficult for me to wrestle with; am I willing and am I ready? It is extremely easy for us to say that we are willing to do this, but then we hoard our possession

s, and hold onto them with a closed hand. I think that if I truly went to God with open hands, with all my stuff, all my money, all my time, and ask Him what He wanted to give up for His glory, my material possessions would look a lot different. My life would look a lot different. I think this sadly might be true for a lot of us Christians.

I have told God he could have it all many times, but slowly I remove the "all" off the table, until "all" that is left, is what I am comfortable giving up, my leftovers. If what you are giving doesn't cause an actual sacrifice, it

is not sacrifice, merely leftovers. I do believe that Jesus' command to the rich young ruler in Mark 10 is a command He gives to some Christians today.

I am so tied to my possessions and money, that I find it uneasy and scary to actually think of give up all my things. I find so much comfort and security in what I "have".

Jesus knows this. Jesus does not call me to give up my possessions so that I would miss out, or not have joy. He calls us to give up our possessions so that, we can experience more joy than any other thing could p

ossibly provide. Love of stuff will inevitably rob us of the joy that God created us to experience.

What is God calling you to get rid of in order to experience His joy? everything? the items you cling to most? We can only serve one master, God or money? (Matt 6:24) Where we spend our money is a strong indicator of where our hearts are. (Matt 6:21)

I have been challenged through this passage in a very scary way, to go to God, with open hands, with it all on the table, and ask Him, what do you want me to give up, for Your glory? Do you need to do the same?

Radical Experiment: Perspective

I have decided to take on the Radical Experiment from the book The Radical by David Platt. This experiment has 5 components and it lasts for 1 year.

One of the 5 components is to pray for the entire world in a year.

I begun this this week and it truly opened my eyes for how selfish I am. One of the biggest things God has taught we the past few days is perspective.

As I have begun this part of the Radical Experiment I have been slapped in the face. I guess I have just been so comfortable in my cozy American dream that I have blinded myself to what is truly going on in the world around me. God is beginning to break down my perspective and replace it with His. This is extremely scary for me because the pain and suffering I am just reading about is overwhelming me. What would our lives look like as Christian if we truly allow God to replace our perspective for a glimpse of His? I believe they would look A LOT different. At least mine would. We all have presuppositions in life. A presupposition is defined as an implicit assumption about the world or background belief. How we presume the world around us to be defines in part how we will react to it. I believe that as an American Christian I have found it very easy to put up blinders. Blinders to what is really going on in the world around us. Because if I really knew, if I truly understood what is happening in this world, I would not be able to continue to live in my comfy American Dream. So as I continue to pray for nations in our world, I am continuing to pray that God would remove my blinders, and replace my perspective for His. That He would give me His eyes to see, and the courage to do something about it.

The first 3 nations I have been praying for this week have such immense pain and suffering. Two of these nations have 95% or more people who are not Christian. All three nations have poverty that we as comfy Americans may not even begin to be able to understand. The average income per YEAR for these 3 nations is $453. That means that the average person living in one of these 3 nations has to live on $9.40 a week! As I look at this number, I can't even begin to imagine what that would look like. I spend $9.40 going out for lunch in a day. So not only are these 3 nations mostly non Christian and in severe poverty, but they all are a part of the devastating effects of war.

It is easy for us to read about these nations, and give a pity remark but then do nothing. We feel bad for them for about 2 minutes, then tend to go on with our day in our comfy homes, and comfy lives. I don't want to be comfortable any longer. I want to be so uncomfortable that I can do nothing else but seek comfort in my God.

Materialism Challenge Part 4

I decided to go through my clothes this week as a part of my Materialism Challenge. (you can read about the Challenge here: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3) I have always had a decent amount of clothes and enjoyed shopping but never truly realized the hold they had on me until this week. As I started going through my closet and drawers I found it harder and harder to add to the get rid of pile. Most of the clothes in my drawers are either maternity or pre-pregnancy and do not fit anymore. I had no problem bagging up all the maternity clothes to store at my parents house for any future pregnancies but getting rid of other clothes that do not fit me was a bit more difficult.

Now I believe God has been calling me to live a life of simplicity and away from materialism. I found this very hard to accept when it came to my clothes. I mean everyone needs clothes, right? But how much do I really need? Where is the line between necessity and luxury? The line may be different to each person, and each person needs to seek God for this answer. For me however, I struggled and am still struggling with where this line should be.

Our culture says so much about how we look, and how we should dress. We should be stylish and cute. I am NOT saying that being stylish and cute is a sin, I am just personally feeling convicted on how much value I have placed into looking stylish and cute. Where do I truly find my worth? Where do I find other peoples worth? In how they look? In how I look?

This is a battle that I feel I will never fully overcome. I must continue to seek God for my worth, instead of clothes, looks, or style. I think I will find this most difficult when I am surrounded by Christians who find nothing wrong with having nice clothes and accessories. I am not saying there is anything wrong with having these things, but for me, I struggle to much in where I find my worth, and therefore need to eliminate some of the materialism that is holding me back from knowing where my true worth should be found, in Christ.

I was bought for a price not so that I can continue on in an unchanged life. I was bought at a price because I am loved, for His Glory. Not so that I can look cute on Sundays or so that I can have the most stylish things, but so that I would know my worth in Him and bring praise and glory to Him.

I'm sure God will direct me to spend the money I would usually spend on clothing, on a much more Worthy cause.

I write this post not to say I have overcome this struggle in ANY WAY, this is a battle of the mind I fear I will have to be in forever. A battle of what the world says is worthy and what my God says is worthy. I write this for accountability and for you reading to know that your worth is so far greater than that which can be expressed through clothing, or style. Your worth comes from a God who loves you and wants you to seek His Glory.