health update

After my 7th knee surgery in February, my doctor in Chicago said that we would come up with a new plan once I healed and came back a few months later. My knee has not improved at all since the surgery so I was a bit nervous driving up to my appointment in Chicago today.

After waiting in the waiting room for 2 hours, I was finally able to go back and meet with Dr.Cole. He seriously is an amazing doctor, and has numerous awards and has been rated top orthopedic doctor. Although this journey with me knee has been very long and painful, I have always had great faith in my doctor. (even though in general I'm not the biggest fan of doctors)

He came in and examined me and asked me a few questions. I informed him that my left knee has still not improved at all, and my right knee continues to get worse. I told him about my recent back issues and how I think it relates a lot to me not being able to bend with my knees when I pick things (Gracelyn) up.

After a long discussion, he looked at me with sadness in his voice, and said, "Abby, I have had many difficult cases with patients but I am always been able to come up with a plan of action, and I am completely stuck here, I don't think that this is ever going to get better, and the only option I see is to refer you to a pain management doctor and just manage the pain with drugs."

I broke into tears. I have been told from many many many doctors that they cannot explain the pain I have in my body. For the most part, I have been able to still function through my body pain to live a normal life, except for my knees. I know my pain in my body was unexplainable but I had faith that my knees would be able to be fixed so that I could at least live somewhat of a normal life.

This really shattered my hope in a "normal" life. After I left Dr. Coles office I started headed 2 hours to Rockford. I began mourning "the life I wont ever be able to have" and I began to think about all the things I can't do and all the things I wont be able to do with Gracelyn as she grows up.

God was so ever near in comfort on my trip home. As I cried, I felt His presence there to comfort me. God has been revealing to me the more he wants to do in my life, and I just got smacked in the face on my drive home. God clearly has a plan for this. I may never get to live a "normal" life and "normal" activities, but God is my Lord, and he wants to do so much more in and through me and by the grace of God I am not going to take my eye off of the prize. I will not grow weary, because He will give me rest. Just because I didn't expect this to be the outcome, doesn't mean God is in any way shocked by it.

God can heal me, this I know, but I also know that He can use this situation for His glory. My prayer now is that whatever the situation with my health will be, His glory would be more revealed, my heart would continue to Praise Him and be fixed on the ultimate Prize, My Savior.