This is the story of Gracelyn's birth....
I went in for my induction on Sunday night. I was feeling excited and at peace about my decision at this time. Tim & I got into the car and started driving to the hospital. It was quite surreal. I remember saying over and over to him, "I don't feel like this is happening." I even told him that I just had a feeling that we weren't going to actual birth Gracelyn. Strangely, I was still at peace about going in.
We got the the hospital and got settled into our room, which by the way was HUGE! The nurse inserted the first dose of medication at 1 am to help to dilate me further before we started pitocin in the morning. We slept for a couple of hours and then I woke with contractions around 4 am. They were pretty painful and peaked every 1 minute. They never had time to go down before the next one started and so my uterus started hyper-stimulating. They checked me at 9 am and said that despite the crazy contractions, I still had not dilated any further. They let me contract until about 1pm and they decided that although the contractions were very often (too often) they were still not dilating me. I tried different positions, walking the halls and using my birthing ball to help. I still remained at a 1. We made the decision to start pitocin to try to regulate the contractions I was having and hopes to space them out some.
About an hour on pitocin, I started having SEVERE back labor. I tried many different positions to try to ease the pain. Tim was AMAZING. He heated up a rice sock and wrapped it around my back to try to help the pain. I got on all fours on the bed and he put counter pressure on my back. I remember being up on the bed on all fours in a completely different world. The nurses had come in to talk to me but I was unaware of it all. I was in such pain that in order to make it through, I had to go somewhere else in my mind. What made the pain so bad was they my uterus was continuing to hyper-stimuate so my contractions never went down, they stayed peaked the whole time.
My midwife came in that evening to check me and although I was in such agony, I was excited to see how far I had progressed.
NOTHING. I was still at a 1. I remember thinking how I never want to hear the number one again.
I was devastated.
My midwife told me that we could do a c-section that night, or shut off the medications and try again in the morning after giving my uterus a break.
I remember laying there bawling my eyes out. This was NOT how I had pictured my birth to go. I already gave into getting induced and I felt like a failure. I felt like I had let everyone, including my husband down.
I laid in bed with Tim at my side bawling. My Doula was at my other side comforting me. We had a decision to make.
I felt like I already had to make to extremely hard decision to get induced and I did NOT want to have to make another one.
My mom, Tim's mom, Aaron, Julie, Tim and my Doula all gathered around me in prayer. I remember listening to Tim pray for our sweet little girl. Tears poured out of my eyes as I wanted nothing more than to hold her in my arms right then and there.
We asked everyone to leave so that Tim and I could pray alone. We then made the decision to give my body another chance in the morning.
I felt at peace with the choice and so we shut off the medications and tried to get some sleep.
I didn't sleep much that night because I was still contracting and in quite a bit of pain. At 4am on Tuesday morning the nurse came in to restart the pitocin.
Immediately the pain shot right back up along with the contractions. My uterus started hyper-stimulating again with contractions every 1 minute. The back labor had returned and by 6 am I was bawling to Tim telling him that I could NOT do this again. I felt like I already been through labor and not I had to wake up and do it all over again.
The nurse checked me at 6am and no surprise I was STILL at a 1. I had been in labor for 30 hours and my body was exhausted. I told her to call my midwife to set up the c-section.
The nurse returned and said that the c-section was set for 12:30pm. She left the room and pop! My water breaks on its own. My contractions started spacing out more by then but the back labor just got worse. We decided that I would get an epidural so that we could use the pitocin to try to make the contractions stronger to help dilate me.
The epidural was put in around 9am. At this time I got a WONDERFUL nurse named Amanda. She was once a Doula and was very support and encouraging on natural birthing. She checked me at I was FINALLY at a 2. She called my midwife and so we decided that we would let me labor for a while to see if I could dilate now that my water was broken.
At 10am she checked me again and I was at a 3! I was so excited, especially because for the first time in two days the contraction pain was pretty much gone. At 11am Amanda checked me again and said I was at a 4! She ran out to the other nurses and yelled "She's a 4, she is going to do this!!"
I was SO excited but trying not to get my hopes up. My mom, Tim's mom, Aaron, Julie, Tim and my Doula were all by my side. At around 11:45am a bunch of nurses rushed in and said that the baby was not liking this labor. They put me on oxygen and shut off the medication. The baby's heart-rate was not favorable at all. The nurse Amanda went to call my midwife. We all waited in my room for her to return, staring at the heart monitor.
The nurse returned with a look on her face that was opposite of the looks she had the past few hours. She held a clip board in her hand and I knew. I collected myself together with a supernatural peace. She explained that the baby was not doing well and that we needed to get her out ASAP. I took a deep breath and signed the paper.
Now everything went SO fast. Nurses were rushing around getting me ready. Tim changed into his scrubs and so did my mom. They rushed me to the OR and allowed Tim to be with me the entire time.
Yet again, I went to another place in my mind. I was not able to handle what was happening so I just held Tim's hand and went somewhere else in my mind.
I laid on the OR table and just stared into Tim's eyes. He held my hand telling me that everything was going to be okay. I felt a lot of pressure and pulling and then I heard someone yell, "It's a girl!" I would have been excited at this time but there was the one thing I didn't hear.
I didn't hear her cry.
Gracelyn came out blue and not breathing. They rushed her over and put her on oxygen. After the longest few minutes of my life I finally heard a loud cry. I remember BAWLING! I will never forget that moment. Tim looked down at me and kept telling me how beautiful she was. They went to take her to the nursery and Tim went with. The nurses sent my mom in to sit with me while I got stitched back up. I started to throw up while they were trying to put me back together. My mom held my hand and just kept telling me how beautiful Gracelyn was. I still had not seen her yet because they had to rush her out.
I was brought back to recovery and she was finally given to me. I was on so much medication I couldn't feel my arms so I had a hard time holding her and staying awake. After a few hours I was able to keep my eyes open and was brought to my room where Aaron, Julie, Tim's mom, and My mom were all waiting.
After expecting a vaginal birth, to a c-section, to a vaginal birth and ending in a c-section after 37 hours of labor, nevertheless, Gracelyn Rose was born at 12:12pm on December 7th weighing 6lbs 9oz and 19 inches long and is HEALTHY!
I truly believe that God gave me Tuesday morning to feel real contractions, to feel my water break, and to know that I did EVERYTHING I could to have a vaginal birth. God gave me that and knew that I could not make the decision for a c-section, thankful I didn't have to make the decision, it was made for me!
She is already a week old and I have so many other things to blog about her first week. They will have to wait and come in the next post!
For now, I am just happy she is here, and she is healthy. I am so blessed to have the support of my family and friends. I could have NEVER done ANY of this though without the love and support of my AMAZING husband!
