I feel the Lord drawing me closer as my due date becomes closer and closer. I have been preparing and planning, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually for this birth and I am truly at such a peace for it to unfold.
Physically I feel pretty prepared, I have everything I need, everything is in it's place and the house is ready thanks to some dear friends who came over when we were at a midwife appointment and organized and cleaned the house for me! Such a huge blessing to me and truly helped me mentally to feel secure about going into labor.
I have had many nights of prodromal labor, which contractions are 5 minutes apart and definitely uncomfortable, but after many hours, they seem to just peter out. I am not even at my due date yet, so I am patiently waiting for my baby, but sometimes emotionally these "I think this is it" episodes can take a toll. I am so thankful for supportive and loving friends who continue to remind me that Avalyn will come when she is ready, and that she is getting into a perfect position for labor and preparing my body through these "practice" contractions.
Now that our house is somewhat in order, as much as it can be with a toddler, I feel a lot better about actually going into labor. Before when these practice contractions would occur I would immediately feel fear and unprepared because the house wasn't "perfect" or the laundry was not done, or dishes were in the sink. I have come to accept the fact that although I have been dreaming and preparing for this birthing time, it will go perfectly according to God, and my standards don't matter. The house may be a mess but I can still lovingly worship God and bring my daughter into this world.
Spiritually I have felt such a connection to God when planning and preparing for my birth. I believe that my body was designed by God to birth my baby and that the act of birthing should not be a medical one unless there is a problem. During my quite time this last week God has been reminding me that He is going to be my strength during this time. I do not need to fear the pain, or the process because He designed it, He created it, He created my body, and He created my sweet baby.
I believe there are many things that can be learned from birth, and I am truly excited to experience this time with my husband, my baby, and my God. The promise that I continue to hear from God the last few days is that He is my strength.
I have experienced some trials and difficulties in life, yet I never feel closest to God in any other time. He always draws me near to Him during difficult moments in my life, when I finally give up my pride and surrender, He is there holding me. Why would I think my birthing time to be any different? I am sure there are going to be moments of pain and fear and feelings of not being able to do it, and I KNOW He is going to be right there, holding me as I surrender and He fills me with His strength. I do not enjoy the trials I have been through in my life, but I truly believe that I would not be who I am, or know a part of God without them. Every trial, every pain in life has drawn me closer to Him and I know that these last few days or weeks He will continue to prepare me and during labor I know that He will be my strength and my hope. He will carry me through contractions, and He will be my guide.
I am so excited for the intimacy with God during this time. I can't wait to meet my baby, and to meet my God in a new way. Please pray for physical safety, for mental peace, and most importantly for spiritual strengthening during this time.
A song I have been listening to recently and has really encouraged me as I wait and prepare is Rita Springer Worth it All <---feel free to listen to it if you want!
