My Sweet Girl Gracelyn

Gracelyn Rose,

My sweet little girl, you are almost a year and a half. I can’t believe how fast the time has gone. You amaze me every day with the things you are learning and doing. You love to talk and chatter, even when no one knows what you are saying. Your squeal of joy makes me smile, and can turn any rough day into a beautiful moment. You love to color, do puzzles and read books. Most of my evenings are spent reading books and books to you, and helping you not to get too frustrated with your puzzles that you are so determined to complete.

 Every time I walk in the door from work, I hear your little feet pattering around to run into my arms. I always pick you up and give you hugs and kisses, and ask about your day. Without fail, every single time your first reaction to be is to sign eat. It doesn’t matter if daddy just fed you; you always need to be fed again by mama. I love holding you when you put your head down on my shoulder and grasp my arms like you never want to be let go. You are growing into such a beautiful and joyous little girl.

You have moments when you remind me of myself. Sometimes you get frustrated easily when you cannot do something. You tend to quit and get mad if you don’t understand something immediately.  I do the same thing sometimes, and it drives your daddy nuts! We will learn patience together my girl, and I will be gentle with you and help you to understand things that you may not get right away. You love to make people laugh. Once you get comfortable with someone you want to be the center of their attention. You are shy around new people, or people you have not seen regularly. You tend to grip onto mommy and not want to be put down. You eventually warm up, but I will be patient and gentle with you as you adapt to new people and new surroundings.

Change is coming in your future my sweet girl. In just a few short months you will have a baby sister. My love for you will not change or decrease when Avalyn comes. I promise to still be your loving mama who holds you when you are scared, and laughs with you when you are silly. Things may be different my girl, but my love will remain and continue to grow daily. We will embrace this change together as a family. I love you my sweet girl, and I am so proud to be your mama!

Love,

your mama <3

Planning a HBAC

I have thought about writing this post for about 6 months now. I have started it and erased it about 10 times and have struggled with deciding to share this or not. I had decided upon waiting until after Avalyn was born to share this to help keep the negative comments and feedback from filling my mind, but for some reason it all poured out today. I am going to be vulnerable and share this with you, I just ask that you please respect me and not judge me. (You don’t want to make a pregnant women cry, do you?)

We are choosing to have a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) and you can read about that choice here, where I blogged about it before. The part I left out of that blog is that our VBAC birth is also going to be a home water birth.

As I have said before, I think there are risks with any choice you make regarding your birth. I love Mama Birth’s post on risk, read it here. You have to weigh the risks and benefits for yourself, and make an informed decision for you and your baby.  I can look into the same information as a friend and we may decide upon different paths for our birth experience, and THAT IS OKAY! Just because I may choose to birth in a specific location, does not mean that I believe every woman should do the same as me. We came upon the decision to have a homebirth for Avalyn long before she was ever conceived. I have been hesitant to share this with you all because just as you do not want to be judge for the birthing path you choose, neither do I. We have prayerfully come upon this decision and I have never been at more peace about it.

I am not choosing a homebirth because I think I am stronger or better than other mamas, or because I value the “birth experience” over my baby’s safety, I am choosing a homebirth for MY BABY and my body. I want an experience that will limit unnecessary interventions and allow my baby and my body to do what it was CREATED and DESIGNED to do. I do not believe pregnancy and birth is a medical emergency. I believe pregnancy and birth is as natural as it gets, perfectly designed by my Creator. I am thankful for medical interventions and hospitals for the times when an emergency arises, but I believe those emergencies are far and few between when there are no other interventions being done and the mama takes good care of herself.

I have been seeing an amazing midwife throughout my pregnancy and feel very peaceful about her 30 years of knowledge and experience. I have decided to do dual care for my pregnancy which means that I also see an OBGYN for prenatal appointments and checkups. I chose to do dual care because if there was a medical emergency I wanted to have a relationship and foundation with an OBGYN so that the hospital transfer would go smoothly and without unnecessary fears. I do not see an OBGYN because I in any way doubt my midwife’s ability to handle my birth. My OBGYN has been amazing and supportive of all my desires for this birth experience. We have discussed and planned for the unlikely event that a hospital transfer would be necessary, and the things I would want and not want done. She feels confident with our plan and has not has any negative feedback, or concerns.

I continue to see my midwife monthly along with seeing my OBGYN. I mostly check in with my OBGYN to continue the relationship and information flow, but consider my real appointments to be with my midwife. My prenatal appointments at done at my midwife’s house. It is such a different experience from the hard, cold, rushed feelings I felt with my prenatal appointments with Gracelyn. I am encouraged, uplifted, and at peace. The appointments are calm, informative and inspiring. My blood pressure is checked, my weight is check, and my urine is check. After all of the checking turns out perfectly, she feels Avalyn’s position, size and growth. She sits and talks with Tim and me about fears, concerns, issues, and excitement. She is patient and calm. She is understanding and supportive. She is everything I want in a provider for this birth. We are planning to have a home water birth with a very experienced and knowledgeable midwife. We want our close family and friends to be able to experience this joyous and peaceful time with us.

It is such a surreal feeling to walk around my house knowing that Avalyn will be brought peacefully into the world there. When labor time comes, there won’t be a need for packing, rushing, or speeding. We will feel calm and peace as I labor throughout my own home, in my own clothes, with the people that I choose to be there. There won’t be any big bright lights, fear, chaos, or stress. Avalyn will be welcomed into my arms with peace, joy, love and family. I can’t dream of a better birth for us!

{5 months} ::Pregnancy Update::

How far along? 20 weeks 5 days

Overall Emotion last month? my emotions change every minute but last month the most common one was thankful.

Maternity clothes? Yes, not all of the time, I can still fit into some pre-pregnancy jeans

Sleep: Sleeping well, I go to sleep each night at 8:30 (don't judge) and wake up at 5:45 am for work. I  am doing okay with sleepiness, but so ready for bed by 8pm

Best moment this month: moving into our new house and getting settled into it. I love knowing that we get to meet Avalyn here :) Also picked out some adorable new cloth diapers for her and tie dyed some matching onesies for Gracelyn and Avalyn.

Weight Gain: +3.5 lbs (but if you asked me 4 days ago it was +0....don't judge I may have binged one day last week

Movement: Yes, mostly at night when I am getting ready for bed. Still hurts when she kicks because it tears more adhesions. 

Food cravings: BANANA AND PEANUT BUTTER anything

Anything making you queasy or sick: chicken and eggs

Have you started to show yet: yes, its getting to the point now that a few strangers will ask, but still a bit of the awkward scared to ask me incase I just have a pudgy tummy ;) 

Wedding rings on or off? still on :) and still big

Looking forward to: Starting hypnobabies this month (have already been listen o affirmations daily) and seeing my midwife :) Oh, and Tim GRADUATES!!!

One thing I did well this month? Listened to affirmations daily, focused on relaxing during painful adhesions, took my prenatal everyday, bonded more with Avalyn :)

One thing I can work on this month? Protein intake,exercise, stretches 

Bigger/Smaller than last pregnancy: a tad smaller I think

Protein intake this month: Just got some protein powder, hope that helps

How does body & knee feel? body feels great when I eat great but....

Book Currently reading: Not been able to read much this month with moving and working.