Pregnancy Fears

Well, it is 5:30 a.m. and I have been awake since 3 a.m. I usually wake up in the middle of the night now a days to go to the bathroom but tonight was different. I came back to bed after the bathroom and this time could NOT sleep. I have so many thoughts running through my mind that even though my body is so physically tired, my mind controlled me falling back into sleep.

I am in my third trimester now. The baby is due in 3 months, but will most likely be here in 2 according to the doctors. Although this brings such excitement and joy to see my sweet girl, it really hit me tonight.... at 3a.m.

I'm scared. I'm terrified.

I have all these thoughts running through my head and up until this point, I have had almost only happy, exciting thoughts about this baby coming. But now, now that it is getting closer & more real, I am scared.

I am scared that I wont know what to do. I am scared that I will wish the time away and miss out on the moment. I am scared about labor. I am scared that I wont breastfeed right, or that I wont get her schedule down. I am scared that I wont be a good mom. I am scared that she wont be healthy and I am terrified that I wont be healthy enough to be the mom she deserves! I am scared that she wont love Jesus, and that I wont show her enough of my love for Him. I am scared for my marriage, and how it wont ever be the same. I am scared for time, actual time spent for building up my marriage, my relationship with God, and for my relationship with my daughter. I am great at getting tasks done, but sometimes miss the most important things because of this. I am scared about money, and if I will ever be able to work. I am scared for Tim. I am scared that he has so much on his plate that he wont be able to be the father and husband he wants to be.

I want so much for my daughter and I am scared that I wont be able to give her what I want her to have. I want her to have hope in Christ, parents who love each other deeply, and the foundation to know her worth and acceptance through Him. I want her to have a healthy mom who can run & play with her. I want her to have a dad that would show her how beautiful she is and how no man can ever fulfill her except Christ alone.

There is so much I want for this precious girl growing inside me. As I live through the last few months before she comes my prayer is that God would not give me all I want, but instead that He would bring the peace and comfort to know that He is faithful to provide, that He loves her so much more than I could imagine, and that He is at work in our lives for His perfect timing and glory.