Convictions of the Spirit

When my relationship with God is in my hands, I will always be on a roller coaster of feeling close and feeling distant from Him.

When conviction comes through books, sermons, or through friends my immediate response is always, "okay so I need to do this more, or I need to stop doing this." My problem lies in that sure I may be able to give more, or wake up earlier to do devotions, but how long will that last? How long will I be able to do that for without falling again? I was sick of falling. I was sick of having to pick myself up again, and "start over."

My God has been telling me recently a new concept, a concept I never got when I first became a Christian. Although the concept seems like a "no duh!" to some people, and even to myself when I think about it. This concept was revealed to me with new eyes, with eyes opened by the Spirit and it was like I finally got it in a new way.

My Abba said to me, "Beloved, are you ready to get off the ride now?"

This seemed like such a crazy thought because to me, getting off the ride wasn't an option.

He picked me up, and carried me off the ride saying, "I am your strength, I am all that you need." It sounds so easy doesn't it? How often do I say "God is all I need?" and how much more often do I say "He is my strength" but think, "well when I need Him to be."

I have been riding this coaster of life of closeness to God, and distance from God but I have completely missed the point.

I can't do it, any of it. I can't even love Him without His help!!!!! I am nothing, BUT I know someone who is my Everything.

This is not a one time revelation that I have come to through His Spirit, but rather a moment by moment surrender to the Spirit. A surrender of my words, thoughts, and actions. because as we already covered, I am nothing, so my words, thoughts, and actions are of no value except the words, thoughts and actions I receive through the Spirit living in me.

What if we truly allowed the Spirit to be our everything? What would your life look like, would it be different? I find myself throughout my day "taking back over" my life. This is when I must resurrender to Him.

"Are you willing to say to God that He can have whatever He wants? Do you believe that wholehearted commitment to Him is more important than any other thing or person in your life?"

If I am living a like that is lukewarm, am I really surrendering it ALL to Him? I don't believe so. I think that our worldview is filled more with the way western culture and our world has Christianized things then the true Spirit and Word of God.

What does it look like to stop playing it safe? Francis Chan says in Crazy Love, "Something is wrong when our lives makes sense to unbelievers."

It is pride that keeps us from giving it all to Him, because that would mean also giving Him the glory. I must learn to listen and obey God because my society is filled with living my life "comfortably" and I'm not so sure that is how I, as a Christian, is called to live.

I leave you with this last quote, a quote that has brought strong conviction in my life recently that I may blog about at another time:

"Lukewarm people do not live by faith; their lives are structured so they never have to. They don't have to trust God if something unexpected happens-they have their savings account. They don't need God to help them-they have their retirement plan in place. They don't genuinely seek out what life God would have them live-they already have it figured and mapped out. They don't depend on God on a daily basis-their refrigerators are full and for the most part they are in good health. The trust is, their lives wouldn't look a whole lot different if they suddenly stopped believing in God."

This life is not something I can do, but only through the Spirit of God working in me.

Love Grace

I am so utterly humbled by the work the Lord is doing in my life. I am so undeserving of His love and grace, but yet He continues to pour it upon me. i had a moment last week, you know the kind of moment that stops you in your tracks and drops you to your knees?

How easy it is for me to get consumed by the "thorns" of this life and forget the AMAZING & CRAZY love He has for me. I was reminded by a story my husband told me about his day at work. He began to tell me about a customer he was helping, and how this customer wanted to know more about Tim and his life. Tim told him how I had been plagued with illness after illness and was near death just before our wedding day. Tim also told him of the struggles we have gone through because of my "unexplained" illnesses. The mans reply is what hit me (and Tim). Although I know what the man said to be true, and I have praised my Father for it, I still at some points seem to forget the magnitude of it. The man replied, "I am very sorry, and I am also sorry that she will Im sure not be able to get pregnant because of this."

There it is. The moment. As I stand listening to Tim tell me this story, it hits me. I know I shouldn't be pregnant, but some days I just seem to know it with my head and not my heart.

Grace was shown to Tim and myself in Tim's reply, "well sir, we are expecting a little girl in December!"
He gave us Grace. He has pour grace upon Tim and I in a way I believe I will continue to learn. Our sweet Gracie girl has been one of the biggest signs of grace in my life, and she isn't even here yet!

There is SO much I have to learn, and so much He still has to teach me, it seems as though I tend to get into the way when He tries to teach me something.