How am I pregnant? Truly a miracle.
Since Tim and I married 2.5 years ago, I have somewhat dreaded starting to "try" to have kids on the basis of, I thought I would have to disappoint Tim.
I was told that it would be very hard for me to get pregnant. Between the health problems, cysts on my ovaries, and the fibro, I thought it would be a long time trying before we got pregnant. Therefore, March 5th Tim and I decided to get off birth control, which I've been on since 12, because it can lower your fertility. Our "plan" was for me to get off, so that whenever we decided we wanted to start trying we wouldn't have to wait forever to get pregnant. Our plan was to wait about two more years. Usually when you first get off BC it takes 3ish months to even be able to conceive. In the meantime, we decided to do natural family planning and just track my ovulation days. We follow this to a T!!!
Therefore, 1. I was told I couldn't get pregnant 2. I was only off BC for a few days 3. We tracked my cycle diligently
Regardless, I'm pregnant.
Even though this was a big shock, the first thing I thought when I found out was, "I'm going to miscarry" Im sure this is a fear for every pregnant women. A lot of the women in my family has struggled with miscarriage, so my risk is slightly higher. I've only known Im pregnant for about 6 days, these 6 days have been the longest of my life.
I can't live the next 7 months in fear. My gracious God begun to reveal this to me yesterday. "Abby, it's okay, I love you more than you could even begin to love this baby" I heard Him say.
There is NO WAY I will be able to deal with the next 7 months living in fear. I know I could miscarry, but I also know my faithful Lord can bring me even closer to Him through it. I know I can have a healthy baby, and I know my Lord can bring me closer to Him through it. Not that I am ready to miscarry, or even that Im prepared, but I am at peace with my Abba, knowing He is good.
Even if I choose to worry the next 7 months and everything turns out okay, it would get even worse. Then I would be worrying for the next 18plus years.
Therefore, I can choose to accept His peace, a peace that comes ONLY from Him. Even if I do miscarry, I shouldn't even be pregnant. I am just so thankful for everyday, and every new development, trusting Him with it. Some people don't get to be 7 weeks pregnant, I do! Whether it will continue or not, is in His arms. I cant worry anymore.
Some people dedicate their babies to the Lord in their church when their baby is young.
This is my dedication now, even though it hard, and I want the control, He does know best. And has ALREADY blessed me WAY beyond what I deserve.
I have been blessed beyond my understanding.
Praise God! We can do more of it in a couple of hours!
ReplyDeletePatti
www.pattilacy.com/blog
Oh Abby,
ReplyDeleteI understand the feeling of loosing that sweet baby. I thought I was miscarring at first. I also know when after Addilece was born, knowing she was going to be my only one made me want to hold her as close as can be!! It took Tony and I less then 24 hours to give her back to God.
First, I wanted to say that is THE hardest but most amazing step you can ever take for your child. Second, I'm so proud of you. I would of never of been able to dedicate my unborn child and pregnancy to the Lord. That would of been overweelhming.
No matter what....God will bless your journey! Thank you for being so open....your blog is a blessing to read.