6 months old!

6 months old.

I just can't believe its possible my sweet boy. It feels like just yesterday I was pregnant with you awaiting your arrival. The past 6 months have gone so fast! I still feel like you are my sweet newborn boy but you are getting so big!

So much has happened in your short life so far. We have live in 3 different places, 3 different town, 2 different states. We moved, we had holidays, birthdays and snow days. We have had hot weather, cold weather and everything in between.

You are very different from your sister. It is hard to believe you two are related but then I just look at you and its obvious!

You are definitely a mama's boy. That may even be an drastic understatement. You love being in mamas arms or the carrier and just hate when I leave you, even to shower! If you have a full belly you tend to do better letting other people hold you, but if you are even remotely hungry you wont let your meal leave your sight.

You have struggled with some allergies, all of which we have not figured out. We cut out diary completely, and we limit gluten and soy. It has seemed to help a lot, but not completely yet.

You love: rolling over, watching your sissy play, nursing, cuddling, being outside, your paci, your jumper, when people talk to you, being tickled, your swing, your toes, sleeping snuggled up to mommy and your swaddle.

You hate: not having access to nurse, bottles, things on your head, distractions of any kind while nursing, when mommy has a towel on her head after the shower, not being held or apart of something and having a tummy ache.

You use rolling as a form of crawling and will roll around to get things you want, even on the hard tile floor. You have not had anything to eat except mama's milk and you are thriving. We are going to practice baby led weaning and allow you to explore food as you desire to without purees. Breastmilk is best for you, and is all you need until you are one, so until then you are welcome to explore foods and play with them after nursing. I am sure you will love to hold and taste them soon. You are such an explorer. Mama's milk will still be there to sustain and satisfy you though!

You are sleeping is a various places at night. Some nights start in the swing, for a bit, but most nights are snuggled up to mama. You wake about every 2 hours to be cuddled and nursed. You definitely need that time to snuggle me and have a drink. As much as I'd like more sleep, I wouldn't trade it for anything. Those night I am up with you, its like no one else exists. It's just us, snuggled up and 10 years from now I will look back on this time and be oh so thankful I didn't miss any extra moments snuggling.

I just can't believe my sweet newborn is getting so big so quickly. I think about your birth often. It truly shaped me as a mother. It helped me to have more patience and strength. It helped me to know that when things are rough, there is an end. It helped me to know that I am strong, and I can do this mothering thing, even on days when it is so hard. Thank you for teaching me so much Kadence Connor. Happy 6 month birthday!

Kadence's Birth Story: Part 2

Go ahead and Read Part 1 here

My sweet boy, God did not stop teaching me there. The best was yet to come! 

Saturday evening came, you daddy and I were still laboring alone. We went upstairs to try to relax and get some rest. Daddy fell asleep and I began to struggle through contractions, so I woke him up for help. We slow danced in our bedroom, and kissed, and hugged, and I felt your daddy's love for me and for you. I felt his love in his touch and his sweet words. As we were slow dancing through a particularly hard contraction, I heard a  POP, and my waters broke...all over the bedroom floor and your daddy's feet! Excitement overcame me as I was waiting for my waters to break, I knew it was a sure sign that you would be here soon, and that although it could still be hours, I knew you were coming! Daddy updated the midwife, J,  and Jessica and after a few hours of even more intense contractions I asked Jessica to come back in the early morning hours on Sunday. We continued to labor, contractions about 2-3 minutes apart lasting about 90 seconds. After a few hours, Jessica decided to head home for a bit to rest since she wasn't feeling well. In her place came my very good friend Jenny. Jenny was also an amazing doula for me, and helped your mommy focus on meeting you! Jenny was amazing at reminding your mommy to relax, and reminding me what this was all for, YOU! I would get to meet you soon, and that reminder gave me hope. 

We continued to labor through the evening into the morning hours. Jessica returned, and Jenny stayed to help as well. Your daddy and Uncle Aaron played and sang worship songs through the entire labor. This helped me so much to focus on my Jesus. I will never forget the room's darkness, the candles flickering, and everyone belting out praises to our God. Such an amazing memory that I will forever cherish. I hope you know one day my sweet boy how much love and prayer you were born into. 

By Sunday afternoon I felt done. I was beyond exhausted and I felt like I couldn't go on. I felt like a failure. I was ready to go to the hospital because I didn't have the strength to go on. I share with your daddy and Jessica my feelings and I bawled at the thought of going to the hospital. I didn't want to give up. Medically, you and I were both fine and I felt like I would be letting you down to give up. I bawled. My heart broke. I wanted this so badly. The feelings of failure and brokenness that were all to familiar with your sister's birth came upon me.Through the tears the shared with Jessica my broken heart, how much I wanted this birth at home, how much I wanted this birth to heal my experience with your sister. My God knew how badly I wanted this, how much I had planned and prepared for it, so why was He making it so hard?  Jessica held me as I cried and questioned my God. She looked at me in the eyes and said, "this birth isn't what is going to heal you, God is who heals you." God spoke so much through Jessica, in ways I had never experienced before. We all cried as I for the first time came to grips with going to the hospital. Once I surrendered that, once I gave up my pride and holding onto this birth experience to heal me, God truly began healing me. 

I asked daddy to call the midwife as I wanted to be checked again before I made my decision to head to the hospital. When J arrived, she talked to me about what I wanted. She asked me a year from now, would I regret going to the hospital. I knew I would, I knew I would always regret it but I felt like I could not go on. I felt like I did not have a choice. I was so tired. J checked me again and said I was at a 5, stretchy to a 7. To me, this wasn't amazing news because it wasn't a 10, but to everyone else they were so encouraged and happy. I had surpassed what I was with your sister's birth and things were moving along. Everyone was filled with joy and excitement. I remember laboring with daddy in the bathroom and asking him what he thought I should do. He looked at me and said, "I know you are tired, but I believe you can do this." He was right. Although I couldn't commit to staying home, I did decided that I would stay home as long as I could. I ate a meal, went for another walk, and was ready to continue at home. 

As contractions continued and were stronger than ever, the only thing that got me through each one was everyone's support around me and smelling lavender oil. I don't even like the smell of lavender but something about it helped me to focus on it during contractions. As soon as a contraction would come, everyone would rush over, take positions either with counter pressure or holding lavender oil under my nose. I felt so loved and so supported. 

By 9pm Sunday evening, after being in labor since Wednesday, I was FINALLY reedy to push. I pushed in the tub, in the bathroom, on the toilet, on the stairs, on a chair, on the couch, on the floor. I pushed everywhere and this is where God met me again. I had surrendered what I thought was everything, until now. I truly had nothing left of me. I was beyond exhausted and had zero strength left. All I could do is pray, pray that God would give me the strength, pray that He would meet me. I have never felt so broken and empty. THIS is where God wanted me, THIS is where His glory could truly shine. THIS is where He could teach me and mold me. THIS is where every ounce of me needed to be surrendered to Him. 

As I pushed everyone surrounded me. I was so supported by your daddy, J,J's assistant, Jessica, Jenny and Julie. Everyone was cheering me on, encouraging me, through their own exhaustion they continued to cheer and give me hope. I remember leaning over the couch holding onto Jenny's arms. I remember her looking into my ears, not showing any fear, or tiredness. She kept saying, "you will meet your baby soon, Abby." 

Finally, after surrendering the last drop I had left, at 3:17am Monday morning, 6 hours into pushing, I gave one last push that brought you flying into my arms on my living room floor. "MY BABY" I cried. I held you and looked into your eyes. You just stared at me for a second, not crying. You knew who I was, you knew you were safe. Love poured over me, and as exhausted as I was I was so so in love with you. I felt like the world stopped. Everyone was cheering and crying and excited but I did not hear or see any of it. It was just you and I, in our own little world. Oh my baby, I will never forget holding you up to my breast, looking into your eyes as you met the world. 

After about 10 minutes in my arms I decided to check out what I thought would be your lady parts, but much to my surprise and shock, after 2 ultrasounds that said you were a girl, you had a penis! The entire room exploded in laughter and disbelief. Who we thought was our sweet Avalyn turned out to be you, our little man. We waited for the cord to stop pulsating before cutting it, and I delivered the placenta. Everyone got busy cleaning the house, doing laundry and putting everything back together. We snuggled on the couch and nursed. After a few hours the doulas and midwife left and everyone else went to bed. I held you in my arms, and after not sleeping for 5 days I still couldn't manage to take my eyes off of you. My sweet baby boy. We nursed and snuggled and nursed and once you finally fell asleep I just laid on the couch staring at you for hours. It was finally over, I had you in my arms. I knew my God more intimately, He delivered me, He gave me strength, He healed me. 

Some may think that birth doesn't matter, all that matters is a healthy baby. I disagree, birth matters, birth shaped me as a mother. Birth taught me things about my body, my baby and my God. Birth brought me to a place of utter brokenness and God met me there in a way I have never allowed Him to before. I was not less of a mother with Gracelyn because she was born by surgery, but I do believe this is how birth should be. Pain should be experienced in order to fully grasp God's strength and God's healing power. When God cursed woman in Genesis with having to go through childbirth, labor, I do not believe He did so to torture us, just as God uses pain and suffering in life to mold us and teach us, I believe He wants to use birth to mold and teach us as mothers. 

Was it worth it? Was 108 hours of labor and 6 hours of pushing worth it? YES. I do not regret having my baby at home, I do not wish I had an epidural or pain medications. Although it was hard, I am so very thankful for the experience and what God taught me through it!

Kadence's Birth Story: Part 1

Dear Kadence,
I cannot believe you are three weeks old and it has taken me so long to sit down to write this. These three weeks have flown by, although they have been challenging at times. I want to share with you what God did, what He taught me, and how He changed me during your birth. This is quite a long story, after being in labor for 108 hours, there is so much to write. I tried to cut it down, but I didn't want to forget anything. I am going to break this letter up, so that I can include everything.

I had been much more patient this pregnancy than with your sister's. I was enjoying the end of my pregnancy, even though some prodromal labor was messing with my emotions. Every evening for about 9 days I would get contractions, about 5 minutes apart, increasing in intensity, would not go away with rest, showers, water, or walking; typical labor signs, except after hours and hours, they would soon fizzle out, leaving me frustrated and longing to meet you. Just one week before your birth I wrote this.  I had no idea how true this blog was going to be. I knew God was teaching me, and was going to teaching me great things during your labor, but I had no idea how much that truly was going to be. 

Wednesday night September 12th rolled around. I had been having contractions all evening like usual but these were much stronger than the practice labor I had been having. I was not able to get any sleep and felt like maybe "this was it". I labored through the night, not sleeping at all. Daddy decided to go to work the next morning, and was waiting for a phone call. Your Uncle Aaron and Aunt Juju came over to play with your sister so that I could try to rest between contractions. We were all so excited, but I refused to believe you were really coming until that evening. By Thursday night I KNEW I was in labor and we called your Uncle Aaron and Aunt Juju to come back over around 11pm. Your daddy decided to get some sleep and A & J stayed up with me, helping me through contractions. We decided at about 3am it was time to bake you a birthday cake; funfetti cake with strawberry frosting. I was feeling excited that this time was finally here but something inside me was preparing for a long labor, even though the contractions were strong and close together. I had no idea however, how long this labor was actually going to be.

Friday afternoon my amazing doula Jessica arrived. She helped me relax through contractions, and her presence was such a calming peace. I love this woman, and truly believe God placed her at your birth for a reason. She loved and cared for your mama so beautifully. The sacrifice of time, sleep, food, and energy from everyone at your birth was astounding. They all labor right along side me, caring for me and praying with me.

Daddy had been in contact with the midwife throughout the day, updating her on my progress. Contractions were about 3 minutes apart now lasting about a minute long. I was so tired and ready to meet you. Although the contractions were very painful, I felt as though God was not done teaching me, and much more was ahead even though everyone else thought I was in transition. I had all the signs of transition so we were all starting to think the end was near.

Uncle Aaron and Aunt Juju took amazing care of your big sister. Gracelyn loved to help mama make noise during contractions and was beyond thrilled when we let her get into the birthing pool with me. She splashed and played, and when a contraction came, she leaned over and gave me sweet hugs and kisses. The joy on her face was contagious. I loved snuggling her in the pool and spending precious moments with her.

By Friday night I was feeling like I was ready to push. I felt a lot of pressure, and not having been through pushing before I assumed I was ready. We called our midwife, J, and she was on her way! About an hour later J arrived. Oh Kade, this woman loves the Lord and took such wonderful care of your mama. I do not think you would have been born as peacefully as you were if it were not for her. She listened to your heart rate often and continued to comment on how "boring" you were. You were so peaceful in there! You heart rate remain constant and steady. During contractions J would kneel next to me, saying peaceful, relaxing things, and pray. This woman prayed for you my boy, she prayed often, we all did! I never felt so surround by prayer and peace before.

After a few hours of pushing, I felt something was "off" and wasn't feeling like it was working. J doesn't usually do vaginal checks because they are a poor indicator of progress, can introduce infection, and caused premature rupture of membranes (breaking waters). However, I felt like I needed to know if I should be pushing or not. J was hesitant because she truly didn't want to discourage me. I asked her to not tell me my number but rather just tell me if I should be pushing. The exam was extremely painful as my cervix was posterior. She finished the exam, looked at me in the eyes and softly said, "you are 90% effaced, but sweetie, you are not ready to push." I felt broken. I was sure I had pushy feelings. After those words left her lips, I broke down crying. You daddy, J, the midwife assistant and Jessica poured over top of me, crying and praying with me. I was exhausted, and I thought it was almost over. I could tell by midwife's reaction that I still had a ways to go. I was devastated. I felt as though this was turning into Gracelyn's birth all over again and that I would never dilate. My midwife looked me in the eyes and said, "Abby, sometimes we have to go through something similar to that which harmed us and overcome it, in order to truly heal." I am so thankful that she didn't tell me my number because if I would have known at the time that I was only at a 1, I would have given up and gone to the hospital. If I would have known you wouldn't be here until Monday, I would have given up and gone to the hospital. I am thankful I did not know, I am thankful for the reminders from everyone to take one contraction at a time and trust in God's perfect timing. I am thankful for God's provision.

Everyone left Friday night so daddy and I could labor alone. The intimacy was wonderful. I will never forget those moments alone with your daddy, his sweet touch, calming words, and loving presence gave me hope. Saturday morning I was beside myself. Your daddy decided to help me into the bath to try to relax and rest. He lit candles that my friends had made for me at my blessing way, shut off the lights in the bathroom, put on worship music, and held my hand as I labored in the bathtub. It was a truly beautiful time that I will never forget. I held daddy's hand and sang out, "All I need to do is worship, all I need to do is say His name out loud, all I need to do is lift my hands, surrender, and bow down. All I need to do is find Him. All I need to do is let His presence fall. All I need to do is worship, worship the Lord."

After our bath your daddy fell asleep, and I was grateful to continue to labor alone with my God. With candles still lit in the dark and worship music playing, I bounced on my ball and sang songs to my God. I yelled, I prayed, I cried, I begged, I sang. I was held, I was given peace, I was given hope, I was given strength. I felt the presence of God in a way I never had before. I surrendered what I thought was everything I had, and was immediately filled with peace and hope. I discovered at this time that the reason I was feeling pushy the evening before was because I was fighting each contraction, rather than relaxing and surrendering to them. This created a lot of pressure and did not help me to dilate. By the grace of God I was able to stop fighting the contractions, and surrender to Him. All I needed to do was worship Him. I focused on those lyrics, and did just that.

 Another song that impacted my worship for this entire labor was a song called "Worth It All" by Rita Springer. This song played a million times over the course of laboring, and each time brought joy and hope to my heart. It would be worth it in the end. I would meet you, and love you, and it would be worth all of the pain I was in. 

My sweet boy you were so worth every contraction, every hour, every push. Much greater than that though was how much your mommy was able to know God more deeply. I have been through pain in my lift, physical and emotional. I have always prided myself on being strong, holding it together. This however was a time that your mommy had to surrender the strength, the energy, the birth. I have to give in to the contractions and give in the to fact that I had no strength left. I had to completely surrender to my God. This was a lesson that is so much more than your birth. God used your birth to changed and mold your mommy, so that when the tough times comes, and they will, I will surrender to my God, and by His grace and His strength alone, we can carry on. 

Continue reading
Part 2

Our Culture and Birth

 I believe our culture and society does a huge disservice to pregnant women. I know most people have good intentions and mean well but some of the things people say to pregnant woman and treat pregnant woman saddens me. Pregnancy is NOT a disability. Pregnancy is NOT a disease. Pregnancy is NOT something to be feared. The miracle of pregnancy I believe has become so medicalized and feared in our society. Birth is so much more than just having a baby. Birth empowers and strengthens mothers. I understand there are things that can go wrong during pregnancy and birth, but without outside interventions, that is NOT the norm. It should not be expected for something to go wrong when you do not allow interventions. I think so often we are just waiting, expecting something to go wrong that emergencies are brought up from fear rather than evidence based care.

My body was created to nourish my baby and grow my baby and develop my baby. My body was created for me to carry my baby, and deliver my baby. My body knows the perfect size for my baby, AND the perfect time to her to come.  How amazing is that?! My body and my body know!

I have been thinking back on my pregnancy with Gracelyn. At 36 weeks I was miserable and wanted to be done. I was in pain, aching, and groaning. I didn’t treat my pregnancy or my body as something that was normal, but rather like the rest of society I treated it as a disability. I felt weak, tired, painful, swollen, and very sorry for myself. I wish someone would have grab ahold of my head, looked into my eyes and said, “You can do this. Your body was made to do this. Your baby knows the perfect time to come, and although it seems so far from now, but you WILL wish to be pregnant again at times, and these last few weeks should be cherished and honored, not hurried or rushed.”  Sadly, I doubt I would have listened, because I had been listening to society my entire pregnancy telling me that I was fragile and disabled. I believed the lie. I did not trust my body or my baby. I was done.

I wish I would have known then what I know now, but when you know better, you do better. I wish that I had never agreed to an induction, which increased my chances for a c-section by 50%! I believe I gave into induction because it was “normal”, it was what everyone did, and I was never made aware of the real risks. I was done feeling broken and fragile, and I of course wanted to meet my baby. I had NO idea how that choice was going to impact my birth, my breastfeeding relationship, and my bond with my daughter. Birth is not just for an end result of a baby. Birth is so much more. I believe in birth, I believe it has an impact on breastfeeding and on bonding. I am sadden for woman, like myself, who did not get what they wanted in their birth, and instead just “went with the flow” rather than making their own choices, listening to their bodies, and their babies, and TRUSTING themselves. I know not every birth is perfect, and I do know that things can go wrong in my upcoming birth, but I finally trust my body, my baby and my instincts.

I wish I could have told myself 2 years ago, and every pregnant woman out there:

You are NOT DISABLED, you are stronger than you think, you are able. You are braver than you believe. You CAN do this; you CAN have the birth you want. It is NOT too late to start making choices for yourself, rather than only listening to what your doctor says. You are strong, able, and competent to birth your baby. PLEASE do not let society tell you otherwise!

“Just as a women’s heart knows how and when to pump, her lungs to inhale and her hand to pull back from fire, so she knows WHEN and HOW to give birth.”

Bittersweet

Dear Sweet Elijah,

Today was your due date. Although I long to hold you in my arms and kiss on your sweet face, that will not come. Today is very bittersweet. If you had not left us so early, we would not be expecting Avalyn in 5 weeks. I long to meet my sweet Ava just as I long to one day meet you, sweet boy. Please know that you were just as wanted and longed for as your sisters. I cannot wait until the day where I can finally hold you in my arms for the first time. That day will not be today, and I am grieved that today I am not spent birthing you and meeting you, but I hold onto a hope. A hope to hold you, and a hold to see you. Please know that when the time comes next month to birth your sister, you will not be forgotten and you are forever in mama's heart. I love you sweet boy!

Love,
Your Mama

Peace for the Hormonal Wreck

I am sure my husband may disagree slightly with this first statement but, I don’t think I was very hormonal during my pregnancy with Gracelyn. I am sure there were some hormones that came out at random times but I never felt overly emotional. However, for the past month or so this seems to be proving untrue with Avalyn. I seem to have many more unexplainable hormones and on some days it has turned me into an emotional wreck. I think some of this has to do with having a lot more going on in life than I did during my pregnancy with Gracelyn.  I have never had to work full time since Gracelyn has been born, and leaving her every day is turning me into a sobbing monster. When I am home, I seem to be completely overwhelmed with my part-time job, household chores, meals, cleaning, laundry, spending time with Tim and preparing to add another baby to our family.

 I am pretty awesome at to do lists. I love making them, and usually feel awesome having it all written down for me to visually check off as I get things done. My to do lists now however are beyond overwhelming to me as my body is starting to wear down and I find it more and more difficult to peal myself off of the couch after work.

I don’t mean for this post to be one of complaints and sympathy. When I first began to feel overwhelmed, I started looking up anxiety/depression when pregnant. I didn’t find very much except that it will get worse after having a baby. GREAT.

I realized life is not going to slow down with 2 kids under 2. I need to learn to embrace life for what it is now, the to do lists and all! I need to cherish the last weeks with Gracelyn, and not allow my to do lists and anxiety rob me from enjoying who she is and how her life will be changed. I want to enjoy this time in my pregnancy, because I remember all too often how much I wanted to be pregnant again after Gracelyn’s birth. Pregnancy is hard. It takes a toll on your body, physically and emotionally. But pregnancy is a process in life to teach, to mold, and to develop me to be able to parent my daughters. Just as labor is hard, painful, and sometimes long, it shapes me, and prepares me for motherhood.

I am beyond blessed to be carrying another sweet baby. I am beyond blessed to have one of the cutest and funniest 20 month olds. I am beyond blessed that Tim was able to get a job, which has allowed me to cut down on my hours slightly. I am beyond blessed to have a husband who loves me, and hasn’t run away from his crazy pregnant hormonal wife. Although my to do list has not slimed down much, I have so much to be thankful for, and focusing on that seems to bring more comfort and peace than completing my to do list!

By the grace of God I will choose to enjoy the last weeks in this pregnancy, and the last weeks with my only daughter!

Psalm 28:7
"The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him and I am helped; therefore my heart exults and with my song I shall thank Him."

{7 months} ::Pregnant Update::

How far along? 28 weeks 5 days

Overall Emotion last month? SHOCK. I can not believe how fast this pregnancy is going. With Gracelyn it felt like it went so slow, and I am sure that is because I didn't know what to expect, but it has FLOWN by!

Maternity clothes? Yes,  I can still fit into some pre-pregnancy jeans with the ol' rubber band trick

Sleep: Doing well, I fall asleep in .2 seconds but of course get up about 5 times to pee

Best moment this month: Getting a few things for Avalyn's room like painting letters for her room (see below) and getting to feel her WAY more, she is much more active than Gracelyn was.

Weight Gain: +10lbs

Movement: Oh yes, she makes sure she is known in there. I don't remember feeling Gracelyn as much as I do Avalyn, I can feel her legs and grab ahold of them when she pushes out.

Food cravings: peanut butter...and junk food :-( 

Anything making you queasy or sick: not really, getting pretty sick of Mexican type foods though.

Have you started to show yet: yes, I feel quite a bit bigger than last month.

Wedding rings on or off? still on and loose

Looking forward to: hanging things up in Ava's room, ordering some home birth supplies, and spending alone time with Gracelyn before she has a sister

One thing I did well this month? Focused on my birth plans, and prepared mentally for an amazing experience

One thing I can work on this month? Diet was not as good as last month, and I can feel it in my body when I don't eat as well. On the days I eat good, I don't even feel pregnant and could run a marathon!

Bigger/Smaller than last pregnancy: I would say about the same, maybe smaller, just for fun here is a photo of my belly 7 months pregnant with Gracelyn, what do you think??

Protein intake this month: Not terrible, but not as great as I can do, and as I did last month

How does body & knee feel? Like I said before, I feel great when I eat great, you would think that would teach me to eat great all the time, but sometimes a craving overtakes me...

Book Currently reading: Continued reading/watching positive birth stories, and reading Spirit-Led Parenting, which is a great book!




Here are the letters we painted for Avalyn's room:

Planning a HBAC

I have thought about writing this post for about 6 months now. I have started it and erased it about 10 times and have struggled with deciding to share this or not. I had decided upon waiting until after Avalyn was born to share this to help keep the negative comments and feedback from filling my mind, but for some reason it all poured out today. I am going to be vulnerable and share this with you, I just ask that you please respect me and not judge me. (You don’t want to make a pregnant women cry, do you?)

We are choosing to have a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) and you can read about that choice here, where I blogged about it before. The part I left out of that blog is that our VBAC birth is also going to be a home water birth.

As I have said before, I think there are risks with any choice you make regarding your birth. I love Mama Birth’s post on risk, read it here. You have to weigh the risks and benefits for yourself, and make an informed decision for you and your baby.  I can look into the same information as a friend and we may decide upon different paths for our birth experience, and THAT IS OKAY! Just because I may choose to birth in a specific location, does not mean that I believe every woman should do the same as me. We came upon the decision to have a homebirth for Avalyn long before she was ever conceived. I have been hesitant to share this with you all because just as you do not want to be judge for the birthing path you choose, neither do I. We have prayerfully come upon this decision and I have never been at more peace about it.

I am not choosing a homebirth because I think I am stronger or better than other mamas, or because I value the “birth experience” over my baby’s safety, I am choosing a homebirth for MY BABY and my body. I want an experience that will limit unnecessary interventions and allow my baby and my body to do what it was CREATED and DESIGNED to do. I do not believe pregnancy and birth is a medical emergency. I believe pregnancy and birth is as natural as it gets, perfectly designed by my Creator. I am thankful for medical interventions and hospitals for the times when an emergency arises, but I believe those emergencies are far and few between when there are no other interventions being done and the mama takes good care of herself.

I have been seeing an amazing midwife throughout my pregnancy and feel very peaceful about her 30 years of knowledge and experience. I have decided to do dual care for my pregnancy which means that I also see an OBGYN for prenatal appointments and checkups. I chose to do dual care because if there was a medical emergency I wanted to have a relationship and foundation with an OBGYN so that the hospital transfer would go smoothly and without unnecessary fears. I do not see an OBGYN because I in any way doubt my midwife’s ability to handle my birth. My OBGYN has been amazing and supportive of all my desires for this birth experience. We have discussed and planned for the unlikely event that a hospital transfer would be necessary, and the things I would want and not want done. She feels confident with our plan and has not has any negative feedback, or concerns.

I continue to see my midwife monthly along with seeing my OBGYN. I mostly check in with my OBGYN to continue the relationship and information flow, but consider my real appointments to be with my midwife. My prenatal appointments at done at my midwife’s house. It is such a different experience from the hard, cold, rushed feelings I felt with my prenatal appointments with Gracelyn. I am encouraged, uplifted, and at peace. The appointments are calm, informative and inspiring. My blood pressure is checked, my weight is check, and my urine is check. After all of the checking turns out perfectly, she feels Avalyn’s position, size and growth. She sits and talks with Tim and me about fears, concerns, issues, and excitement. She is patient and calm. She is understanding and supportive. She is everything I want in a provider for this birth. We are planning to have a home water birth with a very experienced and knowledgeable midwife. We want our close family and friends to be able to experience this joyous and peaceful time with us.

It is such a surreal feeling to walk around my house knowing that Avalyn will be brought peacefully into the world there. When labor time comes, there won’t be a need for packing, rushing, or speeding. We will feel calm and peace as I labor throughout my own home, in my own clothes, with the people that I choose to be there. There won’t be any big bright lights, fear, chaos, or stress. Avalyn will be welcomed into my arms with peace, joy, love and family. I can’t dream of a better birth for us!