Beginning my Grace Walk...

Have I had this ALL WRONG?


How do you define your walk with Christ? a failure? a success? filled with ups and downs? My Christian walk has always been filled with ups and downs. The "ups" are filled with bibles studies, early morning prayer, and giving my time to help others. My "downs" have been filled with emptiness, guilt, shame, and loneliness. Most Christians would say that my "ups" equal success as a Christian, and I thought the same. When I am on a spiritual "high" I am doing things right!

I feel like I have had this walk ALL WRONG?

If someone were to ask me what they had to do to become a Christian, I, like most of you would answer with, "Nothing! Jesus did it already for you." Isn't that the answer you would give? It was the answer I got when I asked the question to a friend over 6 years ago. Nothing. For it is not by works that we are saved! Why then, in my spiritual "highs" do I burn myself out with what I do for God? Why do I feel guilty and like I'm "falling away" when I don't read my Bible. I have always, in my Christian walked, identified my walk with Christ in one phrase: "A Roller-Coaster". Why can't I ever break the cycle of the roller-coaster relationship with God? Is this how God had intended it when He sent His Son to die for us? NO!

I feel as though I have missed the concept completely. I have been stuck in a vicious cycle of highs (feeling close, doing the "right things"), lows (guilt, shame, alone), and then repentance (coming back to Him/beginning to "feel" close again).

I'm done living in this cycle. I'm done trying because I WILL FAIL. For over 6 years I have been trying to be a good Christian. but that is where I got it all wrong. The more I "try" to be a better Christan, the more I will fail!

The world defines success as this: "The achievement of something desired, planned, or attempted" and "a successful performance or achievement"

So what does success look like in our spiritual lives? Well, for over 6 years, spiritual success took the same amount of work as my success in the world. But that is where we have it WRONG! There is not enough I can do to "be a good Christian", because I will get worn out and fall away and fail. So then, what is the answer? What have I been missing?

I have been missing the answer to the very first question asked by me over 6 years ago. What did I have to do to become a Christian? The answer, "Nothing! Jesus already did it" So then, the answer must be the same to the question of, "What do I have to do to be a good Christian?" The same answer must be, "Nothing my beloved Abby, I already did it for you."

That is what I have missed. I am loved no matter where I am, but I don't have to continue to be on this roller-coaster!

This is my Grace walk...