Our Family Is Growing!!

We are fostering! We wanted to be able to answer some questions that people may have about this decision. We would love your prayers and support and would love to discuss further why we chose to do this.

Why did we decide to do this now with 2 kids under 3?

There could always be an excuse for every “season” in life. I could come up with a reason to wait for every stage. We originally thought about fostering once our children were older, and we were done have babies but God gripped both of our hearts and convicted us to act now. Foster Care/adoption is at the heart of the gospel (Ephesians 1:4-5). So what better way to live out the gospel than to take care of the neglected children (Isaiah 1:10-20). To let them know that there is a heavenly Father who’s love knows no end (Psalm 103). And it is in and through this message that we pray that they would become children of God (1 John 3:1-3). 

Will this process be hard? 

I’m sure! Will we feel totally overwhelmed at times? Absolutely! But Gods power is made perfect in our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9-10). So then we will have no other hope or boast but only in what Christ has done in our lives and what He will continue to do in this process.

When do you expect to have a child placed in your home?

Unlike with a pregnancy, we don’t have a “due date” of when to expect the arrival of a new child. We have begun the process and it typically takes around 6 months to finish. Since there are 14,000 children in the “system” right now, we assume it should be fairly quick to get a placement. Since we are open to an age range that is a higher need for homes we assume it will be soon after we finish our license, although right now in Arizona the need for foster homes for every age range is great. 

What types of children will you take?

There are many different “types” of needs in the children in foster care. After prayer, we feel that we will be open to accepting children that do not have any severe medical disabilities. We feel that children with these needs would be better placed in a home that can provide the therapeutic benefits that we cannot at this time. There are times when you do not know what types of issues your placement may have ahead of time. We are praying for guidance and for peace that God knows the child/children that will join our home, and He knows for how long. These children did not come into foster care by anything they did. They are not broken, or “bad”, they just have parents who made poor choices, or could not care for them. This is a ministry to not only the children, but to the birth parents at well.

What age range are you opening to accepting? 

We plan to accept one (right now) child between 6-9 years old. For logistical purposes for our bedrooms, we plan to take a girl.

How do you know your biological children wont be harm by the other children you bring into your home?

We don’t. There are no guarantees. There is no risk free ministry. We view this journey as a mission field, and just as we could not protect our children from all the unknowns on a mission field, we will do what we can to protect them, watch them, and have open conversations with them, and then pray, a lot. We are not naive to think this is going to be an easy journey, but we fully believe it is directed by God for our life, and we know that God loves these children (Gracelyn & Kade, as well as our foster children) more than we ever could. We will rest in those truths. 

Do you plan to adopt?

We would love to be a forever home for a child and would hope to be able to adopt the children placed in our home if we were the best place for them to be.

How long will the child stay with you for?

In foster care, there is SO much unknowns. It could be for a weekend, for a few months or for a few years. Sometimes we will know how long a placement will most likely be when we get “the call”, but sometimes we wont. 

The last goodbye {2 years}

So much has happened in the two years since he has been gone. Some days its hard to believe it's been two years already and other days it feels like it's dragged on. For me the hardest part is knowing he never got to meet his nephew, or even know he exists. He never got to see his niece walk, or talk, or be a goofy little toddler. I am sad for all that he has missed but joyed to know he is no longer suffering. 

People talk about bittersweet moments but this is truly the ultimate bittersweet for me. I am sad for us that are still here missing him, I am sad for my kids, and I am most of all sad for my parents. I only have a slight glimpse into what they feel through my miscarriage and it feels unbearable to imagine knowing one of my babies for 24 years and letting them go.

He has missed a lot. Over the past two years we have moved 3 times, one of which was cross country. We have welcomed another baby. We have started new jobs and joined a new church. So many life changes has happened over the past two years and he missed all of it. He missed the family gatherings, and the holidays and the laughter, and the love. He missed how much my parents have learned and grown in their passion to help others who struggle with addiction and mental illness. 

Although he has missed so much good, he is also spared from the pain and sorrow he was living with. I don't know what life would have looked like for Austin after he came to know God just before his death. I don't know if his pain would be gone and his struggles would have eased. I don't know if the suicide attempts would have stopped or if he would have done amazing things for the kingdom of God. I don't know. I do know that my God is a sovereign God. I do know that my God's love and mercy was abounding during the month before Austin died. I know that Austin now has every tear wiped away and ever pain has gone away (Revelation 21:4). I know that Austin is no longer consumed by this world or the things in it but rather consumed by God. I know that Austin can now stand with Christ in heaven and that is all I need to know. 

Today marks two years since I last saw his smile and said goodbye. Although I did not know that this day was goodbye, I will always remember the look in your eyes when you handed your baby niece back to me. Did you know? Did you know it would be the last time you saw us? Did you know what the events the next days would bring? I hope not. I hope that you were gone before you realized what was happening.  I hope you were gone before you realized that sitting in your car alone with the burdens of the world on your shoulders was how you were going to leave this world. You carried so much shame, Austin, and I hope that during your final hours that you did not feel that shame but rather released it to the one who bore your sin and died so that you may have everlasting life. 

We miss you Austin. One thing I know is true, through all the ups and downs over the past two years, God has continued to remind me of His faithfulness through your life and through your death. During the trials of my life, and when I am living for myself not not seeking Him, God continues to gently remind me of the weeks with you where He was ever so present and He was ever so faithful! Although we miss you even more on these days, I am thankful for the reminder of who God is and what He continues to do even when I am not faithful to Him. 

6 months old!

6 months old.

I just can't believe its possible my sweet boy. It feels like just yesterday I was pregnant with you awaiting your arrival. The past 6 months have gone so fast! I still feel like you are my sweet newborn boy but you are getting so big!

So much has happened in your short life so far. We have live in 3 different places, 3 different town, 2 different states. We moved, we had holidays, birthdays and snow days. We have had hot weather, cold weather and everything in between.

You are very different from your sister. It is hard to believe you two are related but then I just look at you and its obvious!

You are definitely a mama's boy. That may even be an drastic understatement. You love being in mamas arms or the carrier and just hate when I leave you, even to shower! If you have a full belly you tend to do better letting other people hold you, but if you are even remotely hungry you wont let your meal leave your sight.

You have struggled with some allergies, all of which we have not figured out. We cut out diary completely, and we limit gluten and soy. It has seemed to help a lot, but not completely yet.

You love: rolling over, watching your sissy play, nursing, cuddling, being outside, your paci, your jumper, when people talk to you, being tickled, your swing, your toes, sleeping snuggled up to mommy and your swaddle.

You hate: not having access to nurse, bottles, things on your head, distractions of any kind while nursing, when mommy has a towel on her head after the shower, not being held or apart of something and having a tummy ache.

You use rolling as a form of crawling and will roll around to get things you want, even on the hard tile floor. You have not had anything to eat except mama's milk and you are thriving. We are going to practice baby led weaning and allow you to explore food as you desire to without purees. Breastmilk is best for you, and is all you need until you are one, so until then you are welcome to explore foods and play with them after nursing. I am sure you will love to hold and taste them soon. You are such an explorer. Mama's milk will still be there to sustain and satisfy you though!

You are sleeping is a various places at night. Some nights start in the swing, for a bit, but most nights are snuggled up to mama. You wake about every 2 hours to be cuddled and nursed. You definitely need that time to snuggle me and have a drink. As much as I'd like more sleep, I wouldn't trade it for anything. Those night I am up with you, its like no one else exists. It's just us, snuggled up and 10 years from now I will look back on this time and be oh so thankful I didn't miss any extra moments snuggling.

I just can't believe my sweet newborn is getting so big so quickly. I think about your birth often. It truly shaped me as a mother. It helped me to have more patience and strength. It helped me to know that when things are rough, there is an end. It helped me to know that I am strong, and I can do this mothering thing, even on days when it is so hard. Thank you for teaching me so much Kadence Connor. Happy 6 month birthday!

Arizona Life: Month 1

We have been in Arizona for about 2.5 weeks.

I thought I would like it down here since I had visited many times over the summers on vacation. But I had no idea just how much I would LOVE it, and the kids would love it!

The weather is nice this time of year, and I already know what to expect during the summer: swimming and getting tan! Besides the weather I just love the lifestyle. Tim and I want to make healthier choices for ourselves and our family. While trying to live a healthy lifestyle in central Illinois is for sure possible, it was hard to do for me and it is just so second nature here! Every block has a different organic produce market, or natural food store. The weather of course makes you want to go out and be active. There are some AWESOME parks here and places to take the kids outdoors. It's just plain awesome.

Tim and I have been wanting to make some healthy changes for our family and this move to Arizona was the kick in the butt we needed! Right before coming here I began to realize that Kade may have an issue with dairy in my diet. So I cut back on it drastically and saw an improvement. So now I am completely dairy free. I thought it would be very hard to give up dairy completely since I love it, but honestly it has been pretty easy! Now that dairy has been removed from my diet, if I even slip slightly and have a very small amount, Kade pays for it! What better motivation to stay away from it than seeing it hurt my child? 

Another change Tim and I have decided to implement is to eliminate (or try to the best we can) all foods that contain GMO. I didn't realize the role that eating food containing GMOs played in harming myself, and my kids. This documentary along with some other research helped open our eyes. Although it may be near impossible to avoid GMO entirely, we are choosing not to bring them into our home with the foods we eat. 

This brings me to my next point, eating out. Eating out is next to impossible when you want avoid dairy, even if you "cheated" and had foods containing GMO. I am sure there are some places we could go but I don't think we will be eating at very often. We both enjoy cooking so much, the markets here are simply awesome, and The Fresh 20 had made meal planning SO easy that it just seems like a better choice to eat at home when possible. 

We started doing The Fresh 20 a few weeks ago and we just love it! Some people don't like to have their meals planned out so strictly but the planner in me just adores it! I love having 5 meals already planned for each week, using only fresh, never packaged ingredients. It is awesome that it plans the meals most cost effectively to use up all of the ingredients for the various meals that week so the produce that would usually get tossed, we use for a few different meals! I also love that it pushes me to try new things. If you know anything about me, you know I am a picky eater and I HATE trying new foods, but this meal plan has pushed me to try new things and actually like them. SHOCKER, I don't think I'll ever like mushrooms though. 

We are very excited about the changes we are making as a family, and these are just a few of them. We hope to continue to learn and teach our children how to live a healthy lifestyle. Since starting to make changes in my diet right before I got pregnant with Kade, I have lost 24.5 pounds, even with a pregnancy in there, and I hope that is just the beginning! It was an eye opener to look back on pictures of me two years ago. And my health is SO much better than it was two years ago! I feel much, much better!

Although its a small update on our family, it's all I got for now. I am hoping to do a post soon on our new house, once it gets put together, which may never happen with 2 kids.  

Life in the AZ

I know, I know. It's been forever. I feel like that's a usual start to my blogs. Does it count that I have written about 100 blog posts in my head? I just never had time to actually put them down!

If you have not been up on the Facebook updates, I'll give a quick recap. After Tim lost his job right before Thanksgiving, we moved in with my parents in Rockford until we could find another job. We knew we were going to be looking across the country as well as in the Illinois area. The job in Texas did not work out, but we are so grateful for the opportunity to go down there to interview. After 2 months living with my parents and applying for jobs, Tim got a job offer for a company called MiTek, also known as MTX (stereo). There are a few offices across the country and out of all the locations, Phoenix, Arizona appealed to us the most. And it just so happens that is where he was offered the job at!

Tim accepted the job as a graphic designer in middle of January. We knew we had to buy a house over renting for numerous reasons so we got in touch with a family friend who is a Realtor in Phoenix. 3 days after accepting the job, and many listings and facetime tours later, we put an offer on a house, without EVER seeing it! God is good and we had a strong peace about our choice, as hectic as it was!

On January 22nd, Tim's birthday our offer was accepted! Tim began his drive to Arizona in our car, and made a few stops to visit family and friends along the way. The kids and I stayed back at my parents to pack, load the trailer to be moved, and wait for closing on our house. God worked all the details and timing out perfectly. I would be lying if I said this wasn't the most stressful month of my life, but God is good, and He got us through!

I honestly don't know what I would have done without the help of my parents and my in laws. My mom helped me daily with the kids, and my in laws took Gracelyn many times! My dad did so much helping to organize and set up for all of our set to be moved across the country. As stressful as it was, family pulled together and helped us out big time!

Last weekend we closed on the house, and Kade and I took a private jet down to Phoenix to start unpacking into our new house! Tim's boss, who also is my dad's boss, has a private jet so we were able to ride down on that! It was much nicer than a commercial plane. We spent 2 days unpacked and my mom and Gracelyn flew down to meet us. The past week we have been so busy unpacking, Tim has been working, and trying to get settled into our new place!

I absolutely LOVE it here. The weather is beyond perfect right now and I just love it. Our new house is so nice, and so much nicer than I even expected! Our neighborhood is perfect and the location is just ideal! Did I mention that Trader Joe's is a mile down the road?! I am so excited to live down here. I have visited Phoenix many times in the summer for vacations so I knew how nice it was, but I just can't believe we live here, and my kids get to grow up here! We don't know anyone down here, except when my parents are down here, but we are excited to find a church and get involved in the community.

So, are you cold? COME VISIT US!! We love it down here but we miss our friends and family so come visit!

Once we get settled a bit more I'll post pictures of our house. (Does one ever become settled with kids?)

Well, babies are crying so no time to check for grammatical errors, sorry Casey!

Life Updates

So much has been happening in the Schweitzer household that I don't even know where to begin to fill people in. As boring as this post may be, I thought I'd do a mass update, read it if you want, but I don't mind if you fall asleep ;-)

A few weeks ago we heard that Antioch Christian Church in Odessa, Texas was looking for a worship director. As some of you may know, this is the church that our best friend Aaron just started at as the youth minister a few months ago. We had no intention of "following" Aaron and Julie to Texas and it got brought up as a joke but somehow God worked out some details and last week the church flew us down there to interview for the position. The weeks leading up to our trip Tim and I spent much time in prayer and fasting. We were very excited to go, even though the thought of living in Texas wasn't very appealing. God transformed Tim's heart the weeks leading up to this trip, and drew Tim closer to Himself and created a heart of worship in Tim that I had not seen before. I knew God was working, and we were very excited for our trip.

As excited as we were, I don't think Satan was very happy about it. The day we were supposed to fly to Texas, with a 23 month old and a 2 month old, Tim woke up with the flu. He felt horrible and didn't do very well on the flights. Our plane got delayed, but after a very long day of flying, we eventually got to the church for worship practice. The first day in Texas I was struggling. Tim was struggling physically with the flu but I was really struggling emotionally. I didn't know what it was but I knew Satan was attacking me, and I was having a difficult time. After a lot of prayer, and a long talk with my best friend, God drew me near to Him and gave me a peace and excitement for the rest of the trip.

The scenery isn't very awesome in Odessa, and the location isn't ideal but I LOVED it there. I loved the church, the people, and most importantly I loved seeing what God was doing in and through the people at Antioch Christian Church. We had a wonderful trip and we are very excited to see what God will continue to do there, with or without us!

Returning home was nice but overwhelming. We are praying about where God wants us, and for peace in the waiting. On Wednesday, the day after we got home, and the day before Thanksgiving, Tim went into work. Beyond shockingly he was fired from the printing company he worked for. Tim had asked for a few days off for Texas and his boss agreed but asked why. Tim had prayed about what to say and decided to be honest with his boss that we were interviewing for a ministry position. All seemed well when we left, but upon our return, his boss I guess didn't like that Tim had interviewed somewhere else, and "didn't want to be his temp agency". We were shocked because we thought his boss was okay with it, and we still don't even know about the position in Texas or any other positions.

So now I ask for prayer. Prayer for peace and patience on my end, prayer for answers and clarity, prayer for provision. We have decided that we are going to be moving, but we just don't know where that is yet. It may be Texas, it may be Arizona, it may be somewhere in Illinois. We don't have a job offer on the table yet but we do have a few good leads. So in the mean time, while we wait, we are going to move in with my parents to save some money. Since we know we will be moving, we are going to just put our things in storage and stay with my parents for a few weeks until we get more direction on where we are going to go. This is one of the scariest things I have ever done, and pretty overwhelming but God is good, and we know it'll all work out.

If you read through this all I ask that you please be in prayer for us as we pack up our house and move in the next week and a half! If you are in the Bloomington area, come say goodbye to us over some coffee and pack a box while you're at it! ;-)

Kadence's Birth Story: Part 2

Go ahead and Read Part 1 here

My sweet boy, God did not stop teaching me there. The best was yet to come! 

Saturday evening came, you daddy and I were still laboring alone. We went upstairs to try to relax and get some rest. Daddy fell asleep and I began to struggle through contractions, so I woke him up for help. We slow danced in our bedroom, and kissed, and hugged, and I felt your daddy's love for me and for you. I felt his love in his touch and his sweet words. As we were slow dancing through a particularly hard contraction, I heard a  POP, and my waters broke...all over the bedroom floor and your daddy's feet! Excitement overcame me as I was waiting for my waters to break, I knew it was a sure sign that you would be here soon, and that although it could still be hours, I knew you were coming! Daddy updated the midwife, J,  and Jessica and after a few hours of even more intense contractions I asked Jessica to come back in the early morning hours on Sunday. We continued to labor, contractions about 2-3 minutes apart lasting about 90 seconds. After a few hours, Jessica decided to head home for a bit to rest since she wasn't feeling well. In her place came my very good friend Jenny. Jenny was also an amazing doula for me, and helped your mommy focus on meeting you! Jenny was amazing at reminding your mommy to relax, and reminding me what this was all for, YOU! I would get to meet you soon, and that reminder gave me hope. 

We continued to labor through the evening into the morning hours. Jessica returned, and Jenny stayed to help as well. Your daddy and Uncle Aaron played and sang worship songs through the entire labor. This helped me so much to focus on my Jesus. I will never forget the room's darkness, the candles flickering, and everyone belting out praises to our God. Such an amazing memory that I will forever cherish. I hope you know one day my sweet boy how much love and prayer you were born into. 

By Sunday afternoon I felt done. I was beyond exhausted and I felt like I couldn't go on. I felt like a failure. I was ready to go to the hospital because I didn't have the strength to go on. I share with your daddy and Jessica my feelings and I bawled at the thought of going to the hospital. I didn't want to give up. Medically, you and I were both fine and I felt like I would be letting you down to give up. I bawled. My heart broke. I wanted this so badly. The feelings of failure and brokenness that were all to familiar with your sister's birth came upon me.Through the tears the shared with Jessica my broken heart, how much I wanted this birth at home, how much I wanted this birth to heal my experience with your sister. My God knew how badly I wanted this, how much I had planned and prepared for it, so why was He making it so hard?  Jessica held me as I cried and questioned my God. She looked at me in the eyes and said, "this birth isn't what is going to heal you, God is who heals you." God spoke so much through Jessica, in ways I had never experienced before. We all cried as I for the first time came to grips with going to the hospital. Once I surrendered that, once I gave up my pride and holding onto this birth experience to heal me, God truly began healing me. 

I asked daddy to call the midwife as I wanted to be checked again before I made my decision to head to the hospital. When J arrived, she talked to me about what I wanted. She asked me a year from now, would I regret going to the hospital. I knew I would, I knew I would always regret it but I felt like I could not go on. I felt like I did not have a choice. I was so tired. J checked me again and said I was at a 5, stretchy to a 7. To me, this wasn't amazing news because it wasn't a 10, but to everyone else they were so encouraged and happy. I had surpassed what I was with your sister's birth and things were moving along. Everyone was filled with joy and excitement. I remember laboring with daddy in the bathroom and asking him what he thought I should do. He looked at me and said, "I know you are tired, but I believe you can do this." He was right. Although I couldn't commit to staying home, I did decided that I would stay home as long as I could. I ate a meal, went for another walk, and was ready to continue at home. 

As contractions continued and were stronger than ever, the only thing that got me through each one was everyone's support around me and smelling lavender oil. I don't even like the smell of lavender but something about it helped me to focus on it during contractions. As soon as a contraction would come, everyone would rush over, take positions either with counter pressure or holding lavender oil under my nose. I felt so loved and so supported. 

By 9pm Sunday evening, after being in labor since Wednesday, I was FINALLY reedy to push. I pushed in the tub, in the bathroom, on the toilet, on the stairs, on a chair, on the couch, on the floor. I pushed everywhere and this is where God met me again. I had surrendered what I thought was everything, until now. I truly had nothing left of me. I was beyond exhausted and had zero strength left. All I could do is pray, pray that God would give me the strength, pray that He would meet me. I have never felt so broken and empty. THIS is where God wanted me, THIS is where His glory could truly shine. THIS is where He could teach me and mold me. THIS is where every ounce of me needed to be surrendered to Him. 

As I pushed everyone surrounded me. I was so supported by your daddy, J,J's assistant, Jessica, Jenny and Julie. Everyone was cheering me on, encouraging me, through their own exhaustion they continued to cheer and give me hope. I remember leaning over the couch holding onto Jenny's arms. I remember her looking into my ears, not showing any fear, or tiredness. She kept saying, "you will meet your baby soon, Abby." 

Finally, after surrendering the last drop I had left, at 3:17am Monday morning, 6 hours into pushing, I gave one last push that brought you flying into my arms on my living room floor. "MY BABY" I cried. I held you and looked into your eyes. You just stared at me for a second, not crying. You knew who I was, you knew you were safe. Love poured over me, and as exhausted as I was I was so so in love with you. I felt like the world stopped. Everyone was cheering and crying and excited but I did not hear or see any of it. It was just you and I, in our own little world. Oh my baby, I will never forget holding you up to my breast, looking into your eyes as you met the world. 

After about 10 minutes in my arms I decided to check out what I thought would be your lady parts, but much to my surprise and shock, after 2 ultrasounds that said you were a girl, you had a penis! The entire room exploded in laughter and disbelief. Who we thought was our sweet Avalyn turned out to be you, our little man. We waited for the cord to stop pulsating before cutting it, and I delivered the placenta. Everyone got busy cleaning the house, doing laundry and putting everything back together. We snuggled on the couch and nursed. After a few hours the doulas and midwife left and everyone else went to bed. I held you in my arms, and after not sleeping for 5 days I still couldn't manage to take my eyes off of you. My sweet baby boy. We nursed and snuggled and nursed and once you finally fell asleep I just laid on the couch staring at you for hours. It was finally over, I had you in my arms. I knew my God more intimately, He delivered me, He gave me strength, He healed me. 

Some may think that birth doesn't matter, all that matters is a healthy baby. I disagree, birth matters, birth shaped me as a mother. Birth taught me things about my body, my baby and my God. Birth brought me to a place of utter brokenness and God met me there in a way I have never allowed Him to before. I was not less of a mother with Gracelyn because she was born by surgery, but I do believe this is how birth should be. Pain should be experienced in order to fully grasp God's strength and God's healing power. When God cursed woman in Genesis with having to go through childbirth, labor, I do not believe He did so to torture us, just as God uses pain and suffering in life to mold us and teach us, I believe He wants to use birth to mold and teach us as mothers. 

Was it worth it? Was 108 hours of labor and 6 hours of pushing worth it? YES. I do not regret having my baby at home, I do not wish I had an epidural or pain medications. Although it was hard, I am so very thankful for the experience and what God taught me through it!