{9 Months} ::Pregnancy Update::

Forgot a picture with this post, but you can look at the post before it for most recent pictures :)

How far along? 36.2 weeks
Overall Emotion last month? excited and thrilled! It is coming so soon and I am getting so excited to meet my girl. I have been feeling good and excited for this birth. I can't believe I am due in less than a month. I am eagerly waiting for labor, but relaxed in knowing that my girl knows her birth day!
Maternity clothes? yup, AND I found all of my lost maternity clothes that were stored at my parents house....just in time to not need them anymore ;)
Sleep: Still pretty tired, up at least 5 times a night to go potty. Avalyn dropped last week so potty breaks some a lot more often. Rolling over in bed is a fun game. Tim gave up sleeping in bed with me because I take up too much room and rock the bed when I roll over every hour. He moved a mattress in from the guest bedroom onto the floor. He snuggles me to sleep and then moves down there to sleep. He loves it and said he hasn't slept better in years! He thinks he is moving back in bed with me after the baby comes but I think there will be less room with Avalyn in there.
Best moment this month: I have had lots. Taking maternity photos, visiting with my midwife, going to a beautiful wedding at an orchard in Wisconson. I loved gathering all of my birth supplies and putting it all together. I still have some stuff I want to get done before Ava comes but don't have a lot of free time to do it. Overall we have had a fun month and next month is packed full of fun and exciting things as well. Tim and I are going on a babymoon in a few weeks a night away in a hotel is going to be great!
Weight Gain: +22lbs

Movement: She isn't in my ribs as much as she dropped down lower but she still moves quite a bit.
.Food cravings: bananas, peanut butter, peanut butter oreos (did you know they had such an amazing invention?)
Anything making you queasy or sick: nothing really
Have you started to show yet: growing bigger but I really dont "feel" that big. WIth Gracelyn I felt pregnant, I felt like I was carrying around a huge belly, this time, there are times when I dont even notice it.
Wedding rings on or off? still on but getting tighter.
Looking forward to: Babymoon with Tim, Blessingway with some special friends, and getting to spend some time with G alone before Avalyn comes. I am offically done with work on September 7th, so then I get to be home with G every day!
One thing I did well this month? Pilates, took a lot of walks, stretches
One thing I can work on this month? Enjoying the time I have left alone with G, finish things for Ava before she comes, and staying active until labor.
Bigger/Smaller than last pregnancy: I think I am smaller still, at least I feel smaller.

Protein intake this month: Decent, but could be better
How does body & knee feel? Better than last month :)
Book Currently reading: Continue to read positive birth stories at mamabirth.blogspot.com and birthwithoutfearblog.com

Special Place: LIB

When I first became a Christian, about 9 years ago I found this place called LIB that had a pond and tons of trails. I began going there, and truly got to know my God there. I would go before school some mornings and hike back into the trees and sit by the pond and worship and learn about my Lord. It was such an amazing place that I have always felt closest to my Lord.

Once Tim and I became friends I introduced him to this place and we spent a lot of time there getting to know each other, and praying for each other. After a few months Tim took me there and told me he felt the Lord was leading him into a relationship with me, and we began dating! Throughout our entire relationship LIB was a very special place to us. We would go there often to talk, praying, and spend time in God's creation. I love the memories LIB holds.

2 years ago when we were going to do my maternity photos with Gracelyn we decided to take them while visiting Rockford at LIB. It was awesome to take photos there, knowing the history this special place held.

It was such a blessing to get to take some photos at LIB 2 years ago and carry on how special this place is to Tim and I!

Last weekend we got the privilege to head back to LIB during a visit to Rockford with Aaron and Julie. We decided to snap a few more photos there, with Gracelyn to continue the memories that this place holds for us! Here are some photos we took :)

Our best friends Aaron and Julie may be moving away very soon. They have been like an Aunt and Uncle to Gracelyn and I can't imagine Gracelyn's life without them. She loves them so very much. It will for sure be an adjustment for her if they leave. 

We love you guys!

 Tim's parents came and met us at LIB as well. Getting a family picture was rather difficult though because Gracelyn wanted to run around and play :) This is the best we got!

 Gracelyn also got to spend some time with Grandma Kim this weekend since we had a wedding to go to :)

It was awesome to be at LIB and such a surreal moment to be there, walking the trails holding hands with Tim like we used to 8 years ago! This time we just had 2 sweet daughters with us :) Can't wait to go back and get another family picture after Avalyn is born!

I'll post the rest of the photos on Facebook :-)

Our Culture and Birth

 I believe our culture and society does a huge disservice to pregnant women. I know most people have good intentions and mean well but some of the things people say to pregnant woman and treat pregnant woman saddens me. Pregnancy is NOT a disability. Pregnancy is NOT a disease. Pregnancy is NOT something to be feared. The miracle of pregnancy I believe has become so medicalized and feared in our society. Birth is so much more than just having a baby. Birth empowers and strengthens mothers. I understand there are things that can go wrong during pregnancy and birth, but without outside interventions, that is NOT the norm. It should not be expected for something to go wrong when you do not allow interventions. I think so often we are just waiting, expecting something to go wrong that emergencies are brought up from fear rather than evidence based care.

My body was created to nourish my baby and grow my baby and develop my baby. My body was created for me to carry my baby, and deliver my baby. My body knows the perfect size for my baby, AND the perfect time to her to come.  How amazing is that?! My body and my body know!

I have been thinking back on my pregnancy with Gracelyn. At 36 weeks I was miserable and wanted to be done. I was in pain, aching, and groaning. I didn’t treat my pregnancy or my body as something that was normal, but rather like the rest of society I treated it as a disability. I felt weak, tired, painful, swollen, and very sorry for myself. I wish someone would have grab ahold of my head, looked into my eyes and said, “You can do this. Your body was made to do this. Your baby knows the perfect time to come, and although it seems so far from now, but you WILL wish to be pregnant again at times, and these last few weeks should be cherished and honored, not hurried or rushed.”  Sadly, I doubt I would have listened, because I had been listening to society my entire pregnancy telling me that I was fragile and disabled. I believed the lie. I did not trust my body or my baby. I was done.

I wish I would have known then what I know now, but when you know better, you do better. I wish that I had never agreed to an induction, which increased my chances for a c-section by 50%! I believe I gave into induction because it was “normal”, it was what everyone did, and I was never made aware of the real risks. I was done feeling broken and fragile, and I of course wanted to meet my baby. I had NO idea how that choice was going to impact my birth, my breastfeeding relationship, and my bond with my daughter. Birth is not just for an end result of a baby. Birth is so much more. I believe in birth, I believe it has an impact on breastfeeding and on bonding. I am sadden for woman, like myself, who did not get what they wanted in their birth, and instead just “went with the flow” rather than making their own choices, listening to their bodies, and their babies, and TRUSTING themselves. I know not every birth is perfect, and I do know that things can go wrong in my upcoming birth, but I finally trust my body, my baby and my instincts.

I wish I could have told myself 2 years ago, and every pregnant woman out there:

You are NOT DISABLED, you are stronger than you think, you are able. You are braver than you believe. You CAN do this; you CAN have the birth you want. It is NOT too late to start making choices for yourself, rather than only listening to what your doctor says. You are strong, able, and competent to birth your baby. PLEASE do not let society tell you otherwise!

“Just as a women’s heart knows how and when to pump, her lungs to inhale and her hand to pull back from fire, so she knows WHEN and HOW to give birth.”

Bittersweet

Dear Sweet Elijah,

Today was your due date. Although I long to hold you in my arms and kiss on your sweet face, that will not come. Today is very bittersweet. If you had not left us so early, we would not be expecting Avalyn in 5 weeks. I long to meet my sweet Ava just as I long to one day meet you, sweet boy. Please know that you were just as wanted and longed for as your sisters. I cannot wait until the day where I can finally hold you in my arms for the first time. That day will not be today, and I am grieved that today I am not spent birthing you and meeting you, but I hold onto a hope. A hope to hold you, and a hold to see you. Please know that when the time comes next month to birth your sister, you will not be forgotten and you are forever in mama's heart. I love you sweet boy!

Love,
Your Mama

Birth Affirmations

Two posts in one day?! I know your mind.is.blown.

I thought I would make a post about some positive birth quotes and affirmations that I have written down for labor. I wrote some various quotes down on note cards to either read during labor, have read to me, or just to encourage me at the end of pregnancy. Feel free to add your favorites in the comments! I would love to add more to my list :-)

"3,000 women will be giving birth with you today. Relax and breathe and do nothing else. Labor is hard work, and you can do it!"

"The power and intensity of my contractions cannot be stronger than me, because it is me"

"You are braver than you believe. Stronger than you seem and smarter than you think."

"Rain, after all is only rain; it is not bad weather. So also, pain is only pain; unless we resist it, then it becomes torment."

"My body knows how to have this baby just as my body knew how to grow this baby."

"I do not fight the birth in any way. My body is totally relaxed. I am not afraid"

"My job is simply relax and allow birth to happen"

"Each contraction produces a healthy, positive pain that I can handle"

"I surrender to the contractions and I relinquish control of the forces within my body"

"I trust my instincts to know what I need in labor"

"Birth is not only about making babies. Birth is about making mothers: strong, competent, capable mothers who trust themselves and know their inner strength."

"The knowledge of how to give birth without outside interventions lies deep within each woman. Successful childbirth depends on an acceptance of this process."

"Birth is powerful, let it empower you."

"Just as a women's heart knows how and when to pump, her lungs to inhale, and her hand to pull back from fire, so she knows when and how to give birth."

"We have a secret in our culture. It's not that birth is painful, it's that woman are strong"

Psalm 43:4
"I sought the Lord and He answered me; He delivered me from all my fear"

Deuteronomy 31:8
"It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; He will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed"

2 Cor 12:9
"My grace is enough; it is all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness. I just let Christ take over and so the weaker I get, the stronger I become!"

Psalm 28:7
"The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped; therefore my heart exults, and with my song I shall thank Him"

Hebrews 10:35-36
"So do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord. Remember the great reward it brings you (Avalyn)! Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God's will. Then you will receive all that He has promised."

Isaiah 41:10
"Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God: I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

I bolded my favorites, what is your favorite? Put some in the comments :-)

Peace for the Hormonal Wreck

I am sure my husband may disagree slightly with this first statement but, I don’t think I was very hormonal during my pregnancy with Gracelyn. I am sure there were some hormones that came out at random times but I never felt overly emotional. However, for the past month or so this seems to be proving untrue with Avalyn. I seem to have many more unexplainable hormones and on some days it has turned me into an emotional wreck. I think some of this has to do with having a lot more going on in life than I did during my pregnancy with Gracelyn.  I have never had to work full time since Gracelyn has been born, and leaving her every day is turning me into a sobbing monster. When I am home, I seem to be completely overwhelmed with my part-time job, household chores, meals, cleaning, laundry, spending time with Tim and preparing to add another baby to our family.

 I am pretty awesome at to do lists. I love making them, and usually feel awesome having it all written down for me to visually check off as I get things done. My to do lists now however are beyond overwhelming to me as my body is starting to wear down and I find it more and more difficult to peal myself off of the couch after work.

I don’t mean for this post to be one of complaints and sympathy. When I first began to feel overwhelmed, I started looking up anxiety/depression when pregnant. I didn’t find very much except that it will get worse after having a baby. GREAT.

I realized life is not going to slow down with 2 kids under 2. I need to learn to embrace life for what it is now, the to do lists and all! I need to cherish the last weeks with Gracelyn, and not allow my to do lists and anxiety rob me from enjoying who she is and how her life will be changed. I want to enjoy this time in my pregnancy, because I remember all too often how much I wanted to be pregnant again after Gracelyn’s birth. Pregnancy is hard. It takes a toll on your body, physically and emotionally. But pregnancy is a process in life to teach, to mold, and to develop me to be able to parent my daughters. Just as labor is hard, painful, and sometimes long, it shapes me, and prepares me for motherhood.

I am beyond blessed to be carrying another sweet baby. I am beyond blessed to have one of the cutest and funniest 20 month olds. I am beyond blessed that Tim was able to get a job, which has allowed me to cut down on my hours slightly. I am beyond blessed to have a husband who loves me, and hasn’t run away from his crazy pregnant hormonal wife. Although my to do list has not slimed down much, I have so much to be thankful for, and focusing on that seems to bring more comfort and peace than completing my to do list!

By the grace of God I will choose to enjoy the last weeks in this pregnancy, and the last weeks with my only daughter!

Psalm 28:7
"The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him and I am helped; therefore my heart exults and with my song I shall thank Him."