Materialism Challenge Part 3

Now that we have made the decision by God's Grace to live a life more simplistically, (you can read about it here; Materialism Challenge Part 1 & Materialism Challenge Part 2) we are now faced with the challenge of what to do with the extra resources that we are going to have.

Tim & I have decided to face this next year of our life with a new perspective. We decided that we are going on the missions field. We are going to plan our this missions trip, gather funds, help people and share the gospel. This missions trip is going to be a bit different than others we have gone on.

Firstly, this is going to be for at least year. This is the longest "missions trip" either of us has gone on, and it is going to challenge us in new ways because of it's length. Secondly, instead of going overseas this missions trip is going to take place about 3 blocks from where we live now. Our new apartment is going to be our mission field for the next year. We want to help the people around us, right in our own world. We want to share the gospel with them, help with needs financially, and just be there for prayer and encouragement.

The four of us {Aaron, Julie, Tim & I} have always had a passion for missions. But sometimes it almost seems easier for me to go to a 3rd world country and live in their culture of nothingness. It seems easier to want less and to have less. We want to take our heart for the lost and our heart for missions and apply it right here in Normal, IL.

I don't believe people are "called" to missions. I believe this is not a calling for some, and not for other. I believe this is a command we are given to share His name to all the nations, including America, including Normal, IL, including my neighborhood. Where in the Bible does it say that missions is an optional thing for Christians? It doesn't, we are all "called", we are all commanded. God has blessed us individually with different gifts however, and we must seek Him for where He wants to use these gifts most effectively.

I am so excited and humbled to continue to seek God in what He wants to do through not just our extra money, but our changed hearts. The extra money we will have and will do very little, if anything, on it's own. The eternal impact is going to come from our changed hearts & changed lives, in the midst of turning over the reigns to our money & possessions.

I am in such awe of God and how much He wants to do through me, when I am nothing! How humbled I am to know that our Great God can and wants to use me, as sinful, dirty, and broken as I am, for His Glory.

Materialism Challenge Part 2

I have struggled deeply with the concept of spending and glorifying God. As I wrote briefly about in Materialism Challenge Part 1, I have been wrestling with convictions towards our spending. As my convictions deepen, I started to hear God speak to me about a very real part of our life.

Our lease on our apartment is up in the end of May. We have been feeling extremely claustrophobic in our current apartment ever since G was born. We have so much stuff, and adding the items needed for a baby didn't help. We made the decision to move. As we began lightly apartment hunting about 2 months ago the Lord continue to speak and deepen my convictions on our materialism.

So many people would give anything to have the "stuff" we have that is cluttering our home. So many people would give anything to have the apartment we do. To the majority of the world, we are living in such luxury. Yet, in our culture, it seemed time for an upgrade for us. How selfish we have been living. How selfish we have been spending. How selfish we have been acquiring.

I began to allow Him to tell me what He wants to do with our items, our living situation, and our income. This transformation is and has been a very difficult one and one that God has to continually renew everyday because most days my flesh wants to take over and spend our money how we want to. How prideful am I to even think this is our money?

A few months ago, after searching God's answers to our money and living situation it became clear to me what God was calling us to. Now this calling may seem "drastic" to some people and even to my flesh at times. This calling did not just require sacrifice from my family but from another family. I knew that if this calling was from God, He would work out the details, and work in changing the hearts of ALL parties involved. I prayed. I prayed daily for every person involved. I do not think I have ever prayed more for any other decision in my life. Through this prayer, not only did God change the hearts of all people involved but He showed up in HUGE ways and drew me nearer to Him in a completely different way.

To me, this is huge. Not because of the sacrifice we are going to make, but because what I believe God wants to do through it.

After months of prayer, changed hearts, and dying to our flesh, we made the decision we feel is going to bring glory to God.

Tim, Gracelyn and I have decided instead of moving to a bigger apartment with more space, we are going to "declutter" our home, give things away, and move into a small townhome with Aaron Zapata & Julie once they marry July 2nd. We signed the lease last night and we are so excited to see how God is going to use this.

Now, we know this will probably raise a few eyebrows but please know the following things:

1. We are NOT doing this because we think it is going to be fun.

2. We are NOT doing this for attention for us, but only attention for God and His work

3. We are doing this for God's glory and God's plan

4. We are doing this because we feel God calls us to give, and give radically at times, not just our possession but also our comfortable lives.

5. We KNOW this is going to be a sacrifice on ALL our parts; Aaron & Julie's first year of marriage, G first year of life growing up in a lot less space, and Tim & I adjusting to living with another couple after 3.5 years on our own.

Please hear our hearts in this. For it is for His glory alone we are doing it. In doing this, we are going to be paying a lot less than we currently do, which will free up a ton to put aside for what God has planned for. I will write more about our plans in living together in Part 3, but for now, just pray along with us because this is going to be a sacrifice on all of our parts and Satan is going to try to destroy this. Pray that we would be strong, and continue to die to our flesh and material possessions daily.

We are called not to a comfortable life, but to one that will bring glory to God. As Christians we need to each individually wrestle with what God is calling us to do with our money and possessions.

"The lesson I learned is that the war against materialism in our hearts is exactly that: a war. It is a constant battle to resist the temptation to have more luxuries, to acquire more stuff, and to live more comfortably. It requires strong and steady resolve to live out the gospel in the middle of an American dream that identifies success as moving up the ladder, getting the bigger house, purchasing the nicer car, buying the better clothes, eating the finer food, and acquiring more things." -Radical by David Platt

Materialism Challenge Part 1

For the past year or so God had continually brought up a part of my life that needed to be changed. I have always felt some sort of conviction towards materialism and wanting to live a "simplistic" lifestyle. Most times I can find a way to ignore these convictions out of fear and lack of faith. But over the past year, God has deepened this conviction to new heights. I am not fully ready to discuss what exactly this will me for our family this next year until a few things finalize, but I want to start by just writing about the idea of living a minimalist lifestyle for God's Glory.

I grew up in a household that pretty much got what we want, when we wanted it. Once Tim and I got married obviously this mindset had to change. Although Tim & I have never been "rich" according to the culture around us, we have been so blessed in ways that can only be explained by God.

Over the past year, I have struggled with questions. When I read God's word I see one thing about money and materialism, but then I look at the culture, even the Christian culture, around me and see something completely different. Where is the line in having a savings account for emergencies, and trusting that if an emergency does arise, that God will provide? Where is the line between what we "need" and what we want? The world around us SCREAMS out telling us all the things that we need to have to free up time, energy, money, and even space. I wonder how many of the gadgets we have in our home are true needs instead of luxury. I have battle with these and MANY more questions over the past year, and everyday God seems to bring about a new conviction on the issue.

I write this not for praise for myself and not for attention, but just to question. Question the culture around us. I question how Biblical our Christian culture is in regards to our possessions. I believe that God may not call every Christian to give up everything and give it to the poor, but I do believe that we need to be listening. Listening to God and not the world. We need to be ready. Ready to give it all up if indeed that is what God asks of us. Are you listening? Are you ready?

I wonder how our culture, even our Christian culture around us would react if we did give it all up. Many would say it is unwise financially, many would say that our motive are not pure, and many more would call us irresponsible for not having a plan to make it by.

When I take a step back, and look at Tim & my life as believers, I question. I question how we can live in such comfort when there are millions of people dying from starvation around the world. There are so many people hurting even here in the United States from poverty. Even in our own neighborhood on Rockingham Drive in Normal, there are people hurting. How can it ever be okay for Tim and I to sit back in our comfortable life when God has called us to bring Him to the ends of the earth. If thousands of people are going to die just today alone because they do not have the bare essentials of food to survive, how can I as a Christian sit back in my comfortable life and just do nothing, change nothing.

I can't.

Join me on this journey as I blog about the changes God wants to do in our family's life and the sacrifices He is going to call us to, ALL for HIS GLORY.

Cheated

I know that most moms who have had a c-section in some way "mourn" the birth they never got to have. The first few months it didn't really bother me as much as it has lately.

When I think back to my experience having Gracelyn I have such a pit in my stomach. You know the kind you get when you wish something went a different way?

I understand that God was truly in what happened, although some days I can't help but feel cheated. I wanted so badly to have Gracelyn natural on her own timing. When I was pregnant I was dreaming of going through the labor and birth experience. But none of it went my way at all. Which usually happens when I try to plan things.

I look at my baby and am grateful to just have her in my life but I believe there is a huge difference between loving your baby and hating your birth experience.

I think back on how I felt during my pregnancy and all the things I wanted. I obviously didn't have a natural birth and ended up with a c-section, but there are other aspects of my birth and new mommy-hood I feel like I was cheated out of.

The second thing that I have the pit in my stomach feeling about is nursing. Besides having natural vaginal birth, being able to nurse Gracelyn was the other thing I wanted so badly. The first month was hell for me. G had a next to impossible time latching on, so I had to use a shield for her to even be able to latch. Even with a shield, she was never able to get a full feeding out, so she would end up hungry and frustrated. I decided I was going to stop nursing and exclusively pumping breast milk for G. This was another thing I felt cheated out of, to not be able to nurse and bond with G. I wanted the best for her, so I took the extra time & pain to pump and give her only mommy's milk.

Pumping was next to impossible to do on a 3 hour schedule with a baby who cried ALL THE TIME in tummy pain. I ended up with mastitis 3 times and thrush that last for 2 months. The last time I got mastitis I was recovering from my knee surgery. This was the last straw for me. I could no longer deal with it anymore so I started to wean off the pump.

I gave G her first formula bottle a few weeks ago and bawled through the whole thing. It isn't that I think formula is evil, it is just here was another thing I wanted so badly to do that I had to give up on. I have now been done pumping for a week and it is nice to have the extra time, and pain free from breast infections, but I can't help but feeling sick to my stomach every time I feed G formula.

Most of this may sound petty to you all, but I just feel like I haven't been able to do much of anything I imagined doing for G.

The last thing I imagined doing as a new mommy was baby-wearing. Because of my RA, I wanted to be able to "wear" G so it would be easier on my joints, but because of her GERD and puking every one second, wearing her isn't really an option unless I also wanted to "wear" 5lbs of puke. So I do my best holding and comforting her, but most days my body just doesn't allow me to like I want to. I just want to hold her when she is crying in pain and soothe her, but most of the time it just isn't an option.

I am not trying to have a pity party with this post. I just want other moms who feel or have felt like they "missed out on" or regretted something with their birth or new mommy-hood to know that it is okay to mourn these "loses". It doesn't mean you love your baby less if you are sad with your birth or the first few months of baby's life.

God knows how much I love my baby girl, but sometimes, I do wish things went differently. I do wish I could do the things I looked so forward to as a mommy. Although some of the things are not that big of a deal, thinking about them all together is hard sometimes.

God has shown himself and his glory through it regardless, and although sometimes I feel cheated, He is breaking down that thought and slowly replacing it with His peace.

Prayer

I am unsure how much I am able to blog with still respecting my family's privacy however I believe in prayer and the power it holds. I believe that there should be no shame in asking for prayer from God's people.

James 5:16
"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective."

My brother is in a place of desperation and pain. He is not a believer and at this point, is not open to even discussing God. As many of you know, He struggles with addictions, mental illnesses and has tried to take his own life many times. As a sister, I fear the end may be very very near.

I beg of you to please pray for the following things:

• That Austin would become open to the healing power of Christ and accept Him as Lord
  
• That my family would be able to turn to God in our times of worry, fear, and pain
• That no matter what happens, that ALL glory would be given to God
• For myself, and my witness to not only my brother but to my family
• For the Spirit of God to draw myself and my family nearer to Him through whatever the outcome may be

Please know that I write this only for prayer and hope that you readers will join me in praying.

Family update!

I can't believe my baby is already 3 months old! It truly has flown by! We have been loving parenthood. It is an adjustment, but pays off when she smiles, coos, or snuggles us!

Many things has happened the past 3 months. Lets first start with Gracelyn.

Gracelyn:

• She is 12.5 lbs and growing! She seems to get bigger everyday!
• She got diagnosed with GERD and has AWFUL painful screaming puke filled feeding. She was a wonderful baby until about 6 weeks ago it got really bad. She soaks 2-3 burp rags every feeding, along with bibs, outfits, and mommy! We have her on medication but it doesn't help the pain much ;-( it kills me when she crys in pain.
• Things she loves: T.V.!!!, her changing table, watching Baby Einstein, being swaddled, her paci, to talk to you with coos and grunts, smiling, bath time, looking at lights, being on a schedule, smiling in her sleep, her white noise sound machine, music (especially when its daddy's) and Uncle Aaron & Aunt Juju
• Things she hates: puking, her bumbo seat, when daddy scares her, her hair being touched, sleeping on her back, eating, silence, and eating from any bottle except Dr. Browns.

Tim:

• He has been loving his job at the church!! I am SO proud of him and his hard work. He amazes me.
• He has been learning a lot in classes, but most is self-taught.
• He loves taking pictures, and is amazing at editing them!
• He has been amazing me with taking care of Gracelyn when he is home, taking care of me, school, work, church campaign, photography business. He has a lot of his plate but rarely complains!

Myself:

• I have really been struggling with nursing. G couldn't ever latch right so I have been pumping and feeding her bottles with my milk. PUMPING IS HARD. It takes so much more time and is so hard with such a fussy baby. G & I have both gotten thursh twice. I have dealt with severe mastitis 3 times. So all in all, giving my baby breastmilk is not an easy task.
• I had my knee surgery 2 weeks ago. I am recovery well with the help of my wonderful husband. I just got my stitches out and am able to walk around the house without crutches now.
• I had double ear infection and sinus infection for 2 weeks, thankfully it is finally gone.
• I have enjoyed being blessed to stay home with G but have a very hard time with the day to day tasks due to my health.

Prayer Requests:

• Gracelyn's GERD and that the pain and spit up would stop soon
• My health, and the seemingly unending battle
• Tim, strength and endurance to deal with G & I
• My family, specifically my brother Austin
• Our financial situation, we may be loosing my disability soon and need to figure out some way to pay bills and live.--this is a big one--pray for faith and peace that He will provide

The past 3 months have been truly a blessing. We love our sweet girl so much and regardless of the issues, I am so happy! All Praise be to Him.

Unexpected meeting

Gracelyn LOVES music. I'm sure this is quite normal for babies but she has an addiction. Anytime she is fussing, I pop on some worship music and usually she immediately goes into trace baby and passes out. I think this may have to do with her daddy and how much worship music she heard in the womb.

Needless to say, pandora has been on constantly in our home. The past week G hasn't really been herself. She is way more fussy, gassy, and not too fun. I keep thinking she is getting sick but Tim just thinks I'm paranoid.

Last night after youth group we were feeding her a bottle I had pumped and after about 2 minutes in she started SCREAMING! This was no ordinary cry, it was a "I'm going to die" cry. I have never not been able to settle G down. Something I do eventually will calm her down quite quickly. This was different. For the first time no matter the position or the bounce or the shush she was NOT settling down.

After all attempts to calm her I yelled for Tim to turn on worship music. Tim turn pandora on our computer and I sat with her shush her and singing every song that came on. Shockingly this was doing nothing. I was out of tricks. My baby continued to SCREAM and nothing I was doing was helping. It was getting late and way past our bedtime. I was getting frustrated and discouraged.

Then God showed up and allowed me to actually listen to the words I was singing to my beautiful daughter. I was singing these worship songs to her and although they weren't quieting her, they were quieting my soul. I was able to sit there and just worship my God.

Being a mom I have found little time to sit still and worship my God. I am usually concerned & distracted with G but last night, even though she was screaming in my ear, I just sang to my God and was able to worship Him in such a stillness in my soul. It was truly a supernatural experience with my Lord. A worship time that was not at church, it was not planned or set up, but yet my Lord met me there and it was such a humbling time. He met me where I was, holding a screaming baby, tired, frustrated, concerned, and he met me. It didn't matter that I had been puked on, or that I had bags under my eyes, or that I didn't really try to meet with him, he still met me.

I am so blessed to have a God who WANTS to meet with me, even when I am not the most desirable.