I know, I know. It's been forever. I feel like that's a usual start to my blogs. Does it count that I have written about 100 blog posts in my head? I just never had time to actually put them down!
If you have not been up on the Facebook updates, I'll give a quick recap. After Tim lost his job right before Thanksgiving, we moved in with my parents in Rockford until we could find another job. We knew we were going to be looking across the country as well as in the Illinois area. The job in Texas did not work out, but we are so grateful for the opportunity to go down there to interview. After 2 months living with my parents and applying for jobs, Tim got a job offer for a company called MiTek, also known as MTX (stereo). There are a few offices across the country and out of all the locations, Phoenix, Arizona appealed to us the most. And it just so happens that is where he was offered the job at!
Tim accepted the job as a graphic designer in middle of January. We knew we had to buy a house over renting for numerous reasons so we got in touch with a family friend who is a Realtor in Phoenix. 3 days after accepting the job, and many listings and facetime tours later, we put an offer on a house, without EVER seeing it! God is good and we had a strong peace about our choice, as hectic as it was!
On January 22nd, Tim's birthday our offer was accepted! Tim began his drive to Arizona in our car, and made a few stops to visit family and friends along the way. The kids and I stayed back at my parents to pack, load the trailer to be moved, and wait for closing on our house. God worked all the details and timing out perfectly. I would be lying if I said this wasn't the most stressful month of my life, but God is good, and He got us through!
I honestly don't know what I would have done without the help of my parents and my in laws. My mom helped me daily with the kids, and my in laws took Gracelyn many times! My dad did so much helping to organize and set up for all of our set to be moved across the country. As stressful as it was, family pulled together and helped us out big time!
Last weekend we closed on the house, and Kade and I took a private jet down to Phoenix to start unpacking into our new house! Tim's boss, who also is my dad's boss, has a private jet so we were able to ride down on that! It was much nicer than a commercial plane. We spent 2 days unpacked and my mom and Gracelyn flew down to meet us. The past week we have been so busy unpacking, Tim has been working, and trying to get settled into our new place!
I absolutely LOVE it here. The weather is beyond perfect right now and I just love it. Our new house is so nice, and so much nicer than I even expected! Our neighborhood is perfect and the location is just ideal! Did I mention that Trader Joe's is a mile down the road?! I am so excited to live down here. I have visited Phoenix many times in the summer for vacations so I knew how nice it was, but I just can't believe we live here, and my kids get to grow up here! We don't know anyone down here, except when my parents are down here, but we are excited to find a church and get involved in the community.
So, are you cold? COME VISIT US!! We love it down here but we miss our friends and family so come visit!
Once we get settled a bit more I'll post pictures of our house. (Does one ever become settled with kids?)
Well, babies are crying so no time to check for grammatical errors, sorry Casey!
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Friday, November 23, 2012
Life Updates
So much has been happening in the Schweitzer household that I don't even know where to begin to fill people in. As boring as this post may be, I thought I'd do a mass update, read it if you want, but I don't mind if you fall asleep ;-)
A few weeks ago we heard that Antioch Christian Church in Odessa, Texas was looking for a worship director. As some of you may know, this is the church that our best friend Aaron just started at as the youth minister a few months ago. We had no intention of "following" Aaron and Julie to Texas and it got brought up as a joke but somehow God worked out some details and last week the church flew us down there to interview for the position. The weeks leading up to our trip Tim and I spent much time in prayer and fasting. We were very excited to go, even though the thought of living in Texas wasn't very appealing. God transformed Tim's heart the weeks leading up to this trip, and drew Tim closer to Himself and created a heart of worship in Tim that I had not seen before. I knew God was working, and we were very excited for our trip.
As excited as we were, I don't think Satan was very happy about it. The day we were supposed to fly to Texas, with a 23 month old and a 2 month old, Tim woke up with the flu. He felt horrible and didn't do very well on the flights. Our plane got delayed, but after a very long day of flying, we eventually got to the church for worship practice. The first day in Texas I was struggling. Tim was struggling physically with the flu but I was really struggling emotionally. I didn't know what it was but I knew Satan was attacking me, and I was having a difficult time. After a lot of prayer, and a long talk with my best friend, God drew me near to Him and gave me a peace and excitement for the rest of the trip.
The scenery isn't very awesome in Odessa, and the location isn't ideal but I LOVED it there. I loved the church, the people, and most importantly I loved seeing what God was doing in and through the people at Antioch Christian Church. We had a wonderful trip and we are very excited to see what God will continue to do there, with or without us!
Returning home was nice but overwhelming. We are praying about where God wants us, and for peace in the waiting. On Wednesday, the day after we got home, and the day before Thanksgiving, Tim went into work. Beyond shockingly he was fired from the printing company he worked for. Tim had asked for a few days off for Texas and his boss agreed but asked why. Tim had prayed about what to say and decided to be honest with his boss that we were interviewing for a ministry position. All seemed well when we left, but upon our return, his boss I guess didn't like that Tim had interviewed somewhere else, and "didn't want to be his temp agency". We were shocked because we thought his boss was okay with it, and we still don't even know about the position in Texas or any other positions.
So now I ask for prayer. Prayer for peace and patience on my end, prayer for answers and clarity, prayer for provision. We have decided that we are going to be moving, but we just don't know where that is yet. It may be Texas, it may be Arizona, it may be somewhere in Illinois. We don't have a job offer on the table yet but we do have a few good leads. So in the mean time, while we wait, we are going to move in with my parents to save some money. Since we know we will be moving, we are going to just put our things in storage and stay with my parents for a few weeks until we get more direction on where we are going to go. This is one of the scariest things I have ever done, and pretty overwhelming but God is good, and we know it'll all work out.
If you read through this all I ask that you please be in prayer for us as we pack up our house and move in the next week and a half! If you are in the Bloomington area, come say goodbye to us over some coffee and pack a box while you're at it! ;-)
A few weeks ago we heard that Antioch Christian Church in Odessa, Texas was looking for a worship director. As some of you may know, this is the church that our best friend Aaron just started at as the youth minister a few months ago. We had no intention of "following" Aaron and Julie to Texas and it got brought up as a joke but somehow God worked out some details and last week the church flew us down there to interview for the position. The weeks leading up to our trip Tim and I spent much time in prayer and fasting. We were very excited to go, even though the thought of living in Texas wasn't very appealing. God transformed Tim's heart the weeks leading up to this trip, and drew Tim closer to Himself and created a heart of worship in Tim that I had not seen before. I knew God was working, and we were very excited for our trip.
As excited as we were, I don't think Satan was very happy about it. The day we were supposed to fly to Texas, with a 23 month old and a 2 month old, Tim woke up with the flu. He felt horrible and didn't do very well on the flights. Our plane got delayed, but after a very long day of flying, we eventually got to the church for worship practice. The first day in Texas I was struggling. Tim was struggling physically with the flu but I was really struggling emotionally. I didn't know what it was but I knew Satan was attacking me, and I was having a difficult time. After a lot of prayer, and a long talk with my best friend, God drew me near to Him and gave me a peace and excitement for the rest of the trip.
The scenery isn't very awesome in Odessa, and the location isn't ideal but I LOVED it there. I loved the church, the people, and most importantly I loved seeing what God was doing in and through the people at Antioch Christian Church. We had a wonderful trip and we are very excited to see what God will continue to do there, with or without us!
Returning home was nice but overwhelming. We are praying about where God wants us, and for peace in the waiting. On Wednesday, the day after we got home, and the day before Thanksgiving, Tim went into work. Beyond shockingly he was fired from the printing company he worked for. Tim had asked for a few days off for Texas and his boss agreed but asked why. Tim had prayed about what to say and decided to be honest with his boss that we were interviewing for a ministry position. All seemed well when we left, but upon our return, his boss I guess didn't like that Tim had interviewed somewhere else, and "didn't want to be his temp agency". We were shocked because we thought his boss was okay with it, and we still don't even know about the position in Texas or any other positions.
So now I ask for prayer. Prayer for peace and patience on my end, prayer for answers and clarity, prayer for provision. We have decided that we are going to be moving, but we just don't know where that is yet. It may be Texas, it may be Arizona, it may be somewhere in Illinois. We don't have a job offer on the table yet but we do have a few good leads. So in the mean time, while we wait, we are going to move in with my parents to save some money. Since we know we will be moving, we are going to just put our things in storage and stay with my parents for a few weeks until we get more direction on where we are going to go. This is one of the scariest things I have ever done, and pretty overwhelming but God is good, and we know it'll all work out.
If you read through this all I ask that you please be in prayer for us as we pack up our house and move in the next week and a half! If you are in the Bloomington area, come say goodbye to us over some coffee and pack a box while you're at it! ;-)
Friday, October 12, 2012
Kadence's Birth Story: Part 2
Go ahead and Read Part 1 here
My sweet boy, God did not stop teaching me there. The best was yet to come!
My sweet boy, God did not stop teaching me there. The best was yet to come!
Saturday evening came, you daddy and I were still laboring alone. We went upstairs to try to relax and get some rest. Daddy fell asleep and I began to struggle through contractions, so I woke him up for help. We slow danced in our bedroom, and kissed, and hugged, and I felt your daddy's love for me and for you. I felt his love in his touch and his sweet words. As we were slow dancing through a particularly hard contraction, I heard a POP, and my waters broke...all over the bedroom floor and your daddy's feet! Excitement overcame me as I was waiting for my waters to break, I knew it was a sure sign that you would be here soon, and that although it could still be hours, I knew you were coming! Daddy updated the midwife, J, and Jessica and after a few hours of even more intense contractions I asked Jessica to come back in the early morning hours on Sunday. We continued to labor, contractions about 2-3 minutes apart lasting about 90 seconds. After a few hours, Jessica decided to head home for a bit to rest since she wasn't feeling well. In her place came my very good friend Jenny. Jenny was also an amazing doula for me, and helped your mommy focus on meeting you! Jenny was amazing at reminding your mommy to relax, and reminding me what this was all for, YOU! I would get to meet you soon, and that reminder gave me hope.
We continued to labor through the evening into the morning hours. Jessica returned, and Jenny stayed to help as well. Your daddy and Uncle Aaron played and sang worship songs through the entire labor. This helped me so much to focus on my Jesus. I will never forget the room's darkness, the candles flickering, and everyone belting out praises to our God. Such an amazing memory that I will forever cherish. I hope you know one day my sweet boy how much love and prayer you were born into.
By Sunday afternoon I felt done. I was beyond exhausted and I felt like I couldn't go on. I felt like a failure. I was ready to go to the hospital because I didn't have the strength to go on. I share with your daddy and Jessica my feelings and I bawled at the thought of going to the hospital. I didn't want to give up. Medically, you and I were both fine and I felt like I would be letting you down to give up. I bawled. My heart broke. I wanted this so badly. The feelings of failure and brokenness that were all to familiar with your sister's birth came upon me.Through the tears the shared with Jessica my broken heart, how much I wanted this birth at home, how much I wanted this birth to heal my experience with your sister. My God knew how badly I wanted this, how much I had planned and prepared for it, so why was He making it so hard? Jessica held me as I cried and questioned my God. She looked at me in the eyes and said, "this birth isn't what is going to heal you, God is who heals you." God spoke so much through Jessica, in ways I had never experienced before. We all cried as I for the first time came to grips with going to the hospital. Once I surrendered that, once I gave up my pride and holding onto this birth experience to heal me, God truly began healing me.
I asked daddy to call the midwife as I wanted to be checked again before I made my decision to head to the hospital. When J arrived, she talked to me about what I wanted. She asked me a year from now, would I regret going to the hospital. I knew I would, I knew I would always regret it but I felt like I could not go on. I felt like I did not have a choice. I was so tired. J checked me again and said I was at a 5, stretchy to a 7. To me, this wasn't amazing news because it wasn't a 10, but to everyone else they were so encouraged and happy. I had surpassed what I was with your sister's birth and things were moving along. Everyone was filled with joy and excitement. I remember laboring with daddy in the bathroom and asking him what he thought I should do. He looked at me and said, "I know you are tired, but I believe you can do this." He was right. Although I couldn't commit to staying home, I did decided that I would stay home as long as I could. I ate a meal, went for another walk, and was ready to continue at home.
As contractions continued and were stronger than ever, the only thing that got me through each one was everyone's support around me and smelling lavender oil. I don't even like the smell of lavender but something about it helped me to focus on it during contractions. As soon as a contraction would come, everyone would rush over, take positions either with counter pressure or holding lavender oil under my nose. I felt so loved and so supported.
By 9pm Sunday evening, after being in labor since Wednesday, I was FINALLY reedy to push. I pushed in the tub, in the bathroom, on the toilet, on the stairs, on a chair, on the couch, on the floor. I pushed everywhere and this is where God met me again. I had surrendered what I thought was everything, until now. I truly had nothing left of me. I was beyond exhausted and had zero strength left. All I could do is pray, pray that God would give me the strength, pray that He would meet me. I have never felt so broken and empty. THIS is where God wanted me, THIS is where His glory could truly shine. THIS is where He could teach me and mold me. THIS is where every ounce of me needed to be surrendered to Him.
As I pushed everyone surrounded me. I was so supported by your daddy, J,J's assistant, Jessica, Jenny and Julie. Everyone was cheering me on, encouraging me, through their own exhaustion they continued to cheer and give me hope. I remember leaning over the couch holding onto Jenny's arms. I remember her looking into my ears, not showing any fear, or tiredness. She kept saying, "you will meet your baby soon, Abby."
As I pushed everyone surrounded me. I was so supported by your daddy, J,J's assistant, Jessica, Jenny and Julie. Everyone was cheering me on, encouraging me, through their own exhaustion they continued to cheer and give me hope. I remember leaning over the couch holding onto Jenny's arms. I remember her looking into my ears, not showing any fear, or tiredness. She kept saying, "you will meet your baby soon, Abby."
Finally, after surrendering the last drop I had left, at 3:17am Monday morning, 6 hours into pushing, I gave one last push that brought you flying into my arms on my living room floor. "MY BABY" I cried. I held you and looked into your eyes. You just stared at me for a second, not crying. You knew who I was, you knew you were safe. Love poured over me, and as exhausted as I was I was so so in love with you. I felt like the world stopped. Everyone was cheering and crying and excited but I did not hear or see any of it. It was just you and I, in our own little world. Oh my baby, I will never forget holding you up to my breast, looking into your eyes as you met the world.
After about 10 minutes in my arms I decided to check out what I thought would be your lady parts, but much to my surprise and shock, after 2 ultrasounds that said you were a girl, you had a penis! The entire room exploded in laughter and disbelief. Who we thought was our sweet Avalyn turned out to be you, our little man. We waited for the cord to stop pulsating before cutting it, and I delivered the placenta. Everyone got busy cleaning the house, doing laundry and putting everything back together. We snuggled on the couch and nursed. After a few hours the doulas and midwife left and everyone else went to bed. I held you in my arms, and after not sleeping for 5 days I still couldn't manage to take my eyes off of you. My sweet baby boy. We nursed and snuggled and nursed and once you finally fell asleep I just laid on the couch staring at you for hours. It was finally over, I had you in my arms. I knew my God more intimately, He delivered me, He gave me strength, He healed me.
After about 10 minutes in my arms I decided to check out what I thought would be your lady parts, but much to my surprise and shock, after 2 ultrasounds that said you were a girl, you had a penis! The entire room exploded in laughter and disbelief. Who we thought was our sweet Avalyn turned out to be you, our little man. We waited for the cord to stop pulsating before cutting it, and I delivered the placenta. Everyone got busy cleaning the house, doing laundry and putting everything back together. We snuggled on the couch and nursed. After a few hours the doulas and midwife left and everyone else went to bed. I held you in my arms, and after not sleeping for 5 days I still couldn't manage to take my eyes off of you. My sweet baby boy. We nursed and snuggled and nursed and once you finally fell asleep I just laid on the couch staring at you for hours. It was finally over, I had you in my arms. I knew my God more intimately, He delivered me, He gave me strength, He healed me.
Some may think that birth doesn't matter, all that matters is a healthy baby. I disagree, birth matters, birth shaped me as a mother. Birth taught me things about my body, my baby and my God. Birth brought me to a place of utter brokenness and God met me there in a way I have never allowed Him to before. I was not less of a mother with Gracelyn because she was born by surgery, but I do believe this is how birth should be. Pain should be experienced in order to fully grasp God's strength and God's healing power. When God cursed woman in Genesis with having to go through childbirth, labor, I do not believe He did so to torture us, just as God uses pain and suffering in life to mold us and teach us, I believe He wants to use birth to mold and teach us as mothers.
Was it worth it? Was 108 hours of labor and 6 hours of pushing worth it? YES. I do not regret having my baby at home, I do not wish I had an epidural or pain medications. Although it was hard, I am so very thankful for the experience and what God taught me through it!
Was it worth it? Was 108 hours of labor and 6 hours of pushing worth it? YES. I do not regret having my baby at home, I do not wish I had an epidural or pain medications. Although it was hard, I am so very thankful for the experience and what God taught me through it!
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Kadence's Birth Story: Part 1
Dear Kadence,
I cannot believe you are three weeks old and it has taken me so long to sit down to write this. These three weeks have flown by, although they have been challenging at times. I want to share with you what God did, what He taught me, and how He changed me during your birth. This is quite a long story, after being in labor for 108 hours, there is so much to write. I tried to cut it down, but I didn't want to forget anything. I am going to break this letter up, so that I can include everything.
I had been much more patient this pregnancy than with your sister's. I was enjoying the end of my pregnancy, even though some prodromal labor was messing with my emotions. Every evening for about 9 days I would get contractions, about 5 minutes apart, increasing in intensity, would not go away with rest, showers, water, or walking; typical labor signs, except after hours and hours, they would soon fizzle out, leaving me frustrated and longing to meet you. Just one week before your birth I wrote this. I had no idea how true this blog was going to be. I knew God was teaching me, and was going to teaching me great things during your labor, but I had no idea how much that truly was going to be.
Wednesday night September 12th rolled around. I had been having contractions all evening like usual but these were much stronger than the practice labor I had been having. I was not able to get any sleep and felt like maybe "this was it". I labored through the night, not sleeping at all. Daddy decided to go to work the next morning, and was waiting for a phone call. Your Uncle Aaron and Aunt Juju came over to play with your sister so that I could try to rest between contractions. We were all so excited, but I refused to believe you were really coming until that evening. By Thursday night I KNEW I was in labor and we called your Uncle Aaron and Aunt Juju to come back over around 11pm. Your daddy decided to get some sleep and A & J stayed up with me, helping me through contractions. We decided at about 3am it was time to bake you a birthday cake; funfetti cake with strawberry frosting. I was feeling excited that this time was finally here but something inside me was preparing for a long labor, even though the contractions were strong and close together. I had no idea however, how long this labor was actually going to be.
Friday afternoon my amazing doula Jessica arrived. She helped me relax through contractions, and her presence was such a calming peace. I love this woman, and truly believe God placed her at your birth for a reason. She loved and cared for your mama so beautifully. The sacrifice of time, sleep, food, and energy from everyone at your birth was astounding. They all labor right along side me, caring for me and praying with me.
Daddy had been in contact with the midwife throughout the day, updating her on my progress. Contractions were about 3 minutes apart now lasting about a minute long. I was so tired and ready to meet you. Although the contractions were very painful, I felt as though God was not done teaching me, and much more was ahead even though everyone else thought I was in transition. I had all the signs of transition so we were all starting to think the end was near.
Uncle Aaron and Aunt Juju took amazing care of your big sister. Gracelyn loved to help mama make noise during contractions and was beyond thrilled when we let her get into the birthing pool with me. She splashed and played, and when a contraction came, she leaned over and gave me sweet hugs and kisses. The joy on her face was contagious. I loved snuggling her in the pool and spending precious moments with her.
By Friday night I was feeling like I was ready to push. I felt a lot of pressure, and not having been through pushing before I assumed I was ready. We called our midwife, J, and she was on her way! About an hour later J arrived. Oh Kade, this woman loves the Lord and took such wonderful care of your mama. I do not think you would have been born as peacefully as you were if it were not for her. She listened to your heart rate often and continued to comment on how "boring" you were. You were so peaceful in there! You heart rate remain constant and steady. During contractions J would kneel next to me, saying peaceful, relaxing things, and pray. This woman prayed for you my boy, she prayed often, we all did! I never felt so surround by prayer and peace before.
After a few hours of pushing, I felt something was "off" and wasn't feeling like it was working. J doesn't usually do vaginal checks because they are a poor indicator of progress, can introduce infection, and caused premature rupture of membranes (breaking waters). However, I felt like I needed to know if I should be pushing or not. J was hesitant because she truly didn't want to discourage me. I asked her to not tell me my number but rather just tell me if I should be pushing. The exam was extremely painful as my cervix was posterior. She finished the exam, looked at me in the eyes and softly said, "you are 90% effaced, but sweetie, you are not ready to push." I felt broken. I was sure I had pushy feelings. After those words left her lips, I broke down crying. You daddy, J, the midwife assistant and Jessica poured over top of me, crying and praying with me. I was exhausted, and I thought it was almost over. I could tell by midwife's reaction that I still had a ways to go. I was devastated. I felt as though this was turning into Gracelyn's birth all over again and that I would never dilate. My midwife looked me in the eyes and said, "Abby, sometimes we have to go through something similar to that which harmed us and overcome it, in order to truly heal." I am so thankful that she didn't tell me my number because if I would have known at the time that I was only at a 1, I would have given up and gone to the hospital. If I would have known you wouldn't be here until Monday, I would have given up and gone to the hospital. I am thankful I did not know, I am thankful for the reminders from everyone to take one contraction at a time and trust in God's perfect timing. I am thankful for God's provision.
Everyone left Friday night so daddy and I could labor alone. The intimacy was wonderful. I will never forget those moments alone with your daddy, his sweet touch, calming words, and loving presence gave me hope. Saturday morning I was beside myself. Your daddy decided to help me into the bath to try to relax and rest. He lit candles that my friends had made for me at my blessing way, shut off the lights in the bathroom, put on worship music, and held my hand as I labored in the bathtub. It was a truly beautiful time that I will never forget. I held daddy's hand and sang out, "All I need to do is worship, all I need to do is say His name out loud, all I need to do is lift my hands, surrender, and bow down. All I need to do is find Him. All I need to do is let His presence fall. All I need to do is worship, worship the Lord."
After our bath your daddy fell asleep, and I was grateful to continue to labor alone with my God. With candles still lit in the dark and worship music playing, I bounced on my ball and sang songs to my God. I yelled, I prayed, I cried, I begged, I sang. I was held, I was given peace, I was given hope, I was given strength. I felt the presence of God in a way I never had before. I surrendered what I thought was everything I had, and was immediately filled with peace and hope. I discovered at this time that the reason I was feeling pushy the evening before was because I was fighting each contraction, rather than relaxing and surrendering to them. This created a lot of pressure and did not help me to dilate. By the grace of God I was able to stop fighting the contractions, and surrender to Him. All I needed to do was worship Him. I focused on those lyrics, and did just that.
Another song that impacted my worship for this entire labor was a song called "Worth It All" by Rita Springer. This song played a million times over the course of laboring, and each time brought joy and hope to my heart. It would be worth it in the end. I would meet you, and love you, and it would be worth all of the pain I was in.
My sweet boy you were so worth every contraction, every hour, every push. Much greater than that though was how much your mommy was able to know God more deeply. I have been through pain in my lift, physical and emotional. I have always prided myself on being strong, holding it together. This however was a time that your mommy had to surrender the strength, the energy, the birth. I have to give in to the contractions and give in the to fact that I had no strength left. I had to completely surrender to my God. This was a lesson that is so much more than your birth. God used your birth to changed and mold your mommy, so that when the tough times comes, and they will, I will surrender to my God, and by His grace and His strength alone, we can carry on.
Continue reading
Part 2
I cannot believe you are three weeks old and it has taken me so long to sit down to write this. These three weeks have flown by, although they have been challenging at times. I want to share with you what God did, what He taught me, and how He changed me during your birth. This is quite a long story, after being in labor for 108 hours, there is so much to write. I tried to cut it down, but I didn't want to forget anything. I am going to break this letter up, so that I can include everything.
I had been much more patient this pregnancy than with your sister's. I was enjoying the end of my pregnancy, even though some prodromal labor was messing with my emotions. Every evening for about 9 days I would get contractions, about 5 minutes apart, increasing in intensity, would not go away with rest, showers, water, or walking; typical labor signs, except after hours and hours, they would soon fizzle out, leaving me frustrated and longing to meet you. Just one week before your birth I wrote this. I had no idea how true this blog was going to be. I knew God was teaching me, and was going to teaching me great things during your labor, but I had no idea how much that truly was going to be.
Wednesday night September 12th rolled around. I had been having contractions all evening like usual but these were much stronger than the practice labor I had been having. I was not able to get any sleep and felt like maybe "this was it". I labored through the night, not sleeping at all. Daddy decided to go to work the next morning, and was waiting for a phone call. Your Uncle Aaron and Aunt Juju came over to play with your sister so that I could try to rest between contractions. We were all so excited, but I refused to believe you were really coming until that evening. By Thursday night I KNEW I was in labor and we called your Uncle Aaron and Aunt Juju to come back over around 11pm. Your daddy decided to get some sleep and A & J stayed up with me, helping me through contractions. We decided at about 3am it was time to bake you a birthday cake; funfetti cake with strawberry frosting. I was feeling excited that this time was finally here but something inside me was preparing for a long labor, even though the contractions were strong and close together. I had no idea however, how long this labor was actually going to be.
Friday afternoon my amazing doula Jessica arrived. She helped me relax through contractions, and her presence was such a calming peace. I love this woman, and truly believe God placed her at your birth for a reason. She loved and cared for your mama so beautifully. The sacrifice of time, sleep, food, and energy from everyone at your birth was astounding. They all labor right along side me, caring for me and praying with me.
Daddy had been in contact with the midwife throughout the day, updating her on my progress. Contractions were about 3 minutes apart now lasting about a minute long. I was so tired and ready to meet you. Although the contractions were very painful, I felt as though God was not done teaching me, and much more was ahead even though everyone else thought I was in transition. I had all the signs of transition so we were all starting to think the end was near.
Uncle Aaron and Aunt Juju took amazing care of your big sister. Gracelyn loved to help mama make noise during contractions and was beyond thrilled when we let her get into the birthing pool with me. She splashed and played, and when a contraction came, she leaned over and gave me sweet hugs and kisses. The joy on her face was contagious. I loved snuggling her in the pool and spending precious moments with her.
By Friday night I was feeling like I was ready to push. I felt a lot of pressure, and not having been through pushing before I assumed I was ready. We called our midwife, J, and she was on her way! About an hour later J arrived. Oh Kade, this woman loves the Lord and took such wonderful care of your mama. I do not think you would have been born as peacefully as you were if it were not for her. She listened to your heart rate often and continued to comment on how "boring" you were. You were so peaceful in there! You heart rate remain constant and steady. During contractions J would kneel next to me, saying peaceful, relaxing things, and pray. This woman prayed for you my boy, she prayed often, we all did! I never felt so surround by prayer and peace before.
After a few hours of pushing, I felt something was "off" and wasn't feeling like it was working. J doesn't usually do vaginal checks because they are a poor indicator of progress, can introduce infection, and caused premature rupture of membranes (breaking waters). However, I felt like I needed to know if I should be pushing or not. J was hesitant because she truly didn't want to discourage me. I asked her to not tell me my number but rather just tell me if I should be pushing. The exam was extremely painful as my cervix was posterior. She finished the exam, looked at me in the eyes and softly said, "you are 90% effaced, but sweetie, you are not ready to push." I felt broken. I was sure I had pushy feelings. After those words left her lips, I broke down crying. You daddy, J, the midwife assistant and Jessica poured over top of me, crying and praying with me. I was exhausted, and I thought it was almost over. I could tell by midwife's reaction that I still had a ways to go. I was devastated. I felt as though this was turning into Gracelyn's birth all over again and that I would never dilate. My midwife looked me in the eyes and said, "Abby, sometimes we have to go through something similar to that which harmed us and overcome it, in order to truly heal." I am so thankful that she didn't tell me my number because if I would have known at the time that I was only at a 1, I would have given up and gone to the hospital. If I would have known you wouldn't be here until Monday, I would have given up and gone to the hospital. I am thankful I did not know, I am thankful for the reminders from everyone to take one contraction at a time and trust in God's perfect timing. I am thankful for God's provision.
Everyone left Friday night so daddy and I could labor alone. The intimacy was wonderful. I will never forget those moments alone with your daddy, his sweet touch, calming words, and loving presence gave me hope. Saturday morning I was beside myself. Your daddy decided to help me into the bath to try to relax and rest. He lit candles that my friends had made for me at my blessing way, shut off the lights in the bathroom, put on worship music, and held my hand as I labored in the bathtub. It was a truly beautiful time that I will never forget. I held daddy's hand and sang out, "All I need to do is worship, all I need to do is say His name out loud, all I need to do is lift my hands, surrender, and bow down. All I need to do is find Him. All I need to do is let His presence fall. All I need to do is worship, worship the Lord."
After our bath your daddy fell asleep, and I was grateful to continue to labor alone with my God. With candles still lit in the dark and worship music playing, I bounced on my ball and sang songs to my God. I yelled, I prayed, I cried, I begged, I sang. I was held, I was given peace, I was given hope, I was given strength. I felt the presence of God in a way I never had before. I surrendered what I thought was everything I had, and was immediately filled with peace and hope. I discovered at this time that the reason I was feeling pushy the evening before was because I was fighting each contraction, rather than relaxing and surrendering to them. This created a lot of pressure and did not help me to dilate. By the grace of God I was able to stop fighting the contractions, and surrender to Him. All I needed to do was worship Him. I focused on those lyrics, and did just that.
Another song that impacted my worship for this entire labor was a song called "Worth It All" by Rita Springer. This song played a million times over the course of laboring, and each time brought joy and hope to my heart. It would be worth it in the end. I would meet you, and love you, and it would be worth all of the pain I was in.
My sweet boy you were so worth every contraction, every hour, every push. Much greater than that though was how much your mommy was able to know God more deeply. I have been through pain in my lift, physical and emotional. I have always prided myself on being strong, holding it together. This however was a time that your mommy had to surrender the strength, the energy, the birth. I have to give in to the contractions and give in the to fact that I had no strength left. I had to completely surrender to my God. This was a lesson that is so much more than your birth. God used your birth to changed and mold your mommy, so that when the tough times comes, and they will, I will surrender to my God, and by His grace and His strength alone, we can carry on.
Continue reading
Part 2
Monday, September 10, 2012
My Strength and My Hope
I feel the Lord drawing me closer as my due date becomes closer and closer. I have been preparing and planning, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually for this birth and I am truly at such a peace for it to unfold.
Physically I feel pretty prepared, I have everything I need, everything is in it's place and the house is ready thanks to some dear friends who came over when we were at a midwife appointment and organized and cleaned the house for me! Such a huge blessing to me and truly helped me mentally to feel secure about going into labor.
I have had many nights of prodromal labor, which contractions are 5 minutes apart and definitely uncomfortable, but after many hours, they seem to just peter out. I am not even at my due date yet, so I am patiently waiting for my baby, but sometimes emotionally these "I think this is it" episodes can take a toll. I am so thankful for supportive and loving friends who continue to remind me that Avalyn will come when she is ready, and that she is getting into a perfect position for labor and preparing my body through these "practice" contractions.
Now that our house is somewhat in order, as much as it can be with a toddler, I feel a lot better about actually going into labor. Before when these practice contractions would occur I would immediately feel fear and unprepared because the house wasn't "perfect" or the laundry was not done, or dishes were in the sink. I have come to accept the fact that although I have been dreaming and preparing for this birthing time, it will go perfectly according to God, and my standards don't matter. The house may be a mess but I can still lovingly worship God and bring my daughter into this world.
Spiritually I have felt such a connection to God when planning and preparing for my birth. I believe that my body was designed by God to birth my baby and that the act of birthing should not be a medical one unless there is a problem. During my quite time this last week God has been reminding me that He is going to be my strength during this time. I do not need to fear the pain, or the process because He designed it, He created it, He created my body, and He created my sweet baby.
I believe there are many things that can be learned from birth, and I am truly excited to experience this time with my husband, my baby, and my God. The promise that I continue to hear from God the last few days is that He is my strength.
I have experienced some trials and difficulties in life, yet I never feel closest to God in any other time. He always draws me near to Him during difficult moments in my life, when I finally give up my pride and surrender, He is there holding me. Why would I think my birthing time to be any different? I am sure there are going to be moments of pain and fear and feelings of not being able to do it, and I KNOW He is going to be right there, holding me as I surrender and He fills me with His strength. I do not enjoy the trials I have been through in my life, but I truly believe that I would not be who I am, or know a part of God without them. Every trial, every pain in life has drawn me closer to Him and I know that these last few days or weeks He will continue to prepare me and during labor I know that He will be my strength and my hope. He will carry me through contractions, and He will be my guide.
I am so excited for the intimacy with God during this time. I can't wait to meet my baby, and to meet my God in a new way. Please pray for physical safety, for mental peace, and most importantly for spiritual strengthening during this time.
A song I have been listening to recently and has really encouraged me as I wait and prepare is Rita Springer Worth it All <---feel free to listen to it if you want!
Physically I feel pretty prepared, I have everything I need, everything is in it's place and the house is ready thanks to some dear friends who came over when we were at a midwife appointment and organized and cleaned the house for me! Such a huge blessing to me and truly helped me mentally to feel secure about going into labor.
I have had many nights of prodromal labor, which contractions are 5 minutes apart and definitely uncomfortable, but after many hours, they seem to just peter out. I am not even at my due date yet, so I am patiently waiting for my baby, but sometimes emotionally these "I think this is it" episodes can take a toll. I am so thankful for supportive and loving friends who continue to remind me that Avalyn will come when she is ready, and that she is getting into a perfect position for labor and preparing my body through these "practice" contractions.
Now that our house is somewhat in order, as much as it can be with a toddler, I feel a lot better about actually going into labor. Before when these practice contractions would occur I would immediately feel fear and unprepared because the house wasn't "perfect" or the laundry was not done, or dishes were in the sink. I have come to accept the fact that although I have been dreaming and preparing for this birthing time, it will go perfectly according to God, and my standards don't matter. The house may be a mess but I can still lovingly worship God and bring my daughter into this world.
Spiritually I have felt such a connection to God when planning and preparing for my birth. I believe that my body was designed by God to birth my baby and that the act of birthing should not be a medical one unless there is a problem. During my quite time this last week God has been reminding me that He is going to be my strength during this time. I do not need to fear the pain, or the process because He designed it, He created it, He created my body, and He created my sweet baby.
I believe there are many things that can be learned from birth, and I am truly excited to experience this time with my husband, my baby, and my God. The promise that I continue to hear from God the last few days is that He is my strength.
I have experienced some trials and difficulties in life, yet I never feel closest to God in any other time. He always draws me near to Him during difficult moments in my life, when I finally give up my pride and surrender, He is there holding me. Why would I think my birthing time to be any different? I am sure there are going to be moments of pain and fear and feelings of not being able to do it, and I KNOW He is going to be right there, holding me as I surrender and He fills me with His strength. I do not enjoy the trials I have been through in my life, but I truly believe that I would not be who I am, or know a part of God without them. Every trial, every pain in life has drawn me closer to Him and I know that these last few days or weeks He will continue to prepare me and during labor I know that He will be my strength and my hope. He will carry me through contractions, and He will be my guide.
I am so excited for the intimacy with God during this time. I can't wait to meet my baby, and to meet my God in a new way. Please pray for physical safety, for mental peace, and most importantly for spiritual strengthening during this time.
A song I have been listening to recently and has really encouraged me as I wait and prepare is Rita Springer Worth it All <---feel free to listen to it if you want!
Friday, August 24, 2012
{9 Months} ::Pregnancy Update::
Forgot a picture with this post, but you can look at the post before it for most recent pictures :)
How far along? 36.2 weeks
Overall Emotion last month? excited and thrilled! It is coming so soon and I am getting so excited to meet my girl. I have been feeling good and excited for this birth. I can't believe I am due in less than a month. I am eagerly waiting for labor, but relaxed in knowing that my girl knows her birth day!
Maternity clothes? yup, AND I found all of my lost maternity clothes that were stored at my parents house....just in time to not need them anymore ;)
Sleep: Still pretty tired, up at least 5 times a night to go potty. Avalyn dropped last week so potty breaks some a lot more often. Rolling over in bed is a fun game. Tim gave up sleeping in bed with me because I take up too much room and rock the bed when I roll over every hour. He moved a mattress in from the guest bedroom onto the floor. He snuggles me to sleep and then moves down there to sleep. He loves it and said he hasn't slept better in years! He thinks he is moving back in bed with me after the baby comes but I think there will be less room with Avalyn in there.
Best moment this month: I have had lots. Taking maternity photos, visiting with my midwife, going to a beautiful wedding at an orchard in Wisconson. I loved gathering all of my birth supplies and putting it all together. I still have some stuff I want to get done before Ava comes but don't have a lot of free time to do it. Overall we have had a fun month and next month is packed full of fun and exciting things as well. Tim and I are going on a babymoon in a few weeks a night away in a hotel is going to be great!
Weight Gain: +22lbs
How far along? 36.2 weeks
Overall Emotion last month? excited and thrilled! It is coming so soon and I am getting so excited to meet my girl. I have been feeling good and excited for this birth. I can't believe I am due in less than a month. I am eagerly waiting for labor, but relaxed in knowing that my girl knows her birth day!
Maternity clothes? yup, AND I found all of my lost maternity clothes that were stored at my parents house....just in time to not need them anymore ;)
Sleep: Still pretty tired, up at least 5 times a night to go potty. Avalyn dropped last week so potty breaks some a lot more often. Rolling over in bed is a fun game. Tim gave up sleeping in bed with me because I take up too much room and rock the bed when I roll over every hour. He moved a mattress in from the guest bedroom onto the floor. He snuggles me to sleep and then moves down there to sleep. He loves it and said he hasn't slept better in years! He thinks he is moving back in bed with me after the baby comes but I think there will be less room with Avalyn in there.
Best moment this month: I have had lots. Taking maternity photos, visiting with my midwife, going to a beautiful wedding at an orchard in Wisconson. I loved gathering all of my birth supplies and putting it all together. I still have some stuff I want to get done before Ava comes but don't have a lot of free time to do it. Overall we have had a fun month and next month is packed full of fun and exciting things as well. Tim and I are going on a babymoon in a few weeks a night away in a hotel is going to be great!
Weight Gain: +22lbs
Movement: She isn't in my ribs as much as she dropped down lower but she still moves quite a bit.
.Food cravings: bananas, peanut butter, peanut butter oreos (did you know they had such an amazing invention?)
Anything making you queasy or sick: nothing really
Have you started to show yet: growing bigger but I really dont "feel" that big. WIth Gracelyn I felt pregnant, I felt like I was carrying around a huge belly, this time, there are times when I dont even notice it.
Wedding rings on or off? still on but getting tighter.
Looking forward to: Babymoon with Tim, Blessingway with some special friends, and getting to spend some time with G alone before Avalyn comes. I am offically done with work on September 7th, so then I get to be home with G every day!
One thing I did well this month? Pilates, took a lot of walks, stretches
One thing I can work on this month? Enjoying the time I have left alone with G, finish things for Ava before she comes, and staying active until labor.
Bigger/Smaller than last pregnancy: I think I am smaller still, at least I feel smaller.
.Food cravings: bananas, peanut butter, peanut butter oreos (did you know they had such an amazing invention?)
Anything making you queasy or sick: nothing really
Have you started to show yet: growing bigger but I really dont "feel" that big. WIth Gracelyn I felt pregnant, I felt like I was carrying around a huge belly, this time, there are times when I dont even notice it.
Wedding rings on or off? still on but getting tighter.
Looking forward to: Babymoon with Tim, Blessingway with some special friends, and getting to spend some time with G alone before Avalyn comes. I am offically done with work on September 7th, so then I get to be home with G every day!
One thing I did well this month? Pilates, took a lot of walks, stretches
One thing I can work on this month? Enjoying the time I have left alone with G, finish things for Ava before she comes, and staying active until labor.
Bigger/Smaller than last pregnancy: I think I am smaller still, at least I feel smaller.
Protein intake this month: Decent, but could be better
How does body & knee feel? Better than last month :)
Book Currently reading: Continue to read positive birth stories at mamabirth.blogspot.com and birthwithoutfearblog.com
How does body & knee feel? Better than last month :)
Book Currently reading: Continue to read positive birth stories at mamabirth.blogspot.com and birthwithoutfearblog.com
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Special Place: LIB
When I first became a Christian, about 9 years ago I found this place called LIB that had a pond and tons of trails. I began going there, and truly got to know my God there. I would go before school some mornings and hike back into the trees and sit by the pond and worship and learn about my Lord. It was such an amazing place that I have always felt closest to my Lord.
Once Tim and I became friends I introduced him to this place and we spent a lot of time there getting to know each other, and praying for each other. After a few months Tim took me there and told me he felt the Lord was leading him into a relationship with me, and we began dating! Throughout our entire relationship LIB was a very special place to us. We would go there often to talk, praying, and spend time in God's creation. I love the memories LIB holds.
2 years ago when we were going to do my maternity photos with Gracelyn we decided to take them while visiting Rockford at LIB. It was awesome to take photos there, knowing the history this special place held.
It was such a blessing to get to take some photos at LIB 2 years ago and carry on how special this place is to Tim and I!
Last weekend we got the privilege to head back to LIB during a visit to Rockford with Aaron and Julie. We decided to snap a few more photos there, with Gracelyn to continue the memories that this place holds for us! Here are some photos we took :)
Tim's parents came and met us at LIB as well. Getting a family picture was rather difficult though because Gracelyn wanted to run around and play :) This is the best we got!
Gracelyn also got to spend some time with Grandma Kim this weekend since we had a wedding to go to :)
It was awesome to be at LIB and such a surreal moment to be there, walking the trails holding hands with Tim like we used to 8 years ago! This time we just had 2 sweet daughters with us :) Can't wait to go back and get another family picture after Avalyn is born!
I'll post the rest of the photos on Facebook :-)
Once Tim and I became friends I introduced him to this place and we spent a lot of time there getting to know each other, and praying for each other. After a few months Tim took me there and told me he felt the Lord was leading him into a relationship with me, and we began dating! Throughout our entire relationship LIB was a very special place to us. We would go there often to talk, praying, and spend time in God's creation. I love the memories LIB holds.
2 years ago when we were going to do my maternity photos with Gracelyn we decided to take them while visiting Rockford at LIB. It was awesome to take photos there, knowing the history this special place held.
Last weekend we got the privilege to head back to LIB during a visit to Rockford with Aaron and Julie. We decided to snap a few more photos there, with Gracelyn to continue the memories that this place holds for us! Here are some photos we took :)
Our best friends Aaron and Julie may be moving away very soon. They have been like an Aunt and Uncle to Gracelyn and I can't imagine Gracelyn's life without them. She loves them so very much. It will for sure be an adjustment for her if they leave.
We love you guys!
Tim's parents came and met us at LIB as well. Getting a family picture was rather difficult though because Gracelyn wanted to run around and play :) This is the best we got!
Gracelyn also got to spend some time with Grandma Kim this weekend since we had a wedding to go to :)
It was awesome to be at LIB and such a surreal moment to be there, walking the trails holding hands with Tim like we used to 8 years ago! This time we just had 2 sweet daughters with us :) Can't wait to go back and get another family picture after Avalyn is born!
I'll post the rest of the photos on Facebook :-)
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